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Beyonce

Beyonce Looks Really, Really, Really Amazing In Countdown Video. Really Amazing.

by Mof Gimmers

Have you seen the new video that Beyonce has made? She’s got a new record out called Countdown which is a little off-kilter. It might be rubbish, it might be great… we’ll have to let it bed in or something first. But that doesn’t matter. This is about her new video. Cor. Her new, splendid, [...]

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X Factor Week 7, Part 1 – The One With All The Postmodernism At The Judges Houses

by Sophie Hall

Good weekend, was it? Had some enjoyable sandwich fillings and simulated some erogenous zones, did you? Yeah. Yeah. Us neither. Never mind, because The X Factor was on too, and if that wasn’t amazing enough it was a 2 hour special Judges Houses special as part of a special exclusive double X Factor weekend special. [...]

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Imma Let You Finish Beyonce, Once You Agree To Kanye Being Godfather To Your Unborn Baby

by Mof Gimmers

Beyonce is pregnant. That’s great isn’t it? Unless you’d hoped that B and Jay Z were going to adopt you in some way. She’s 3 months gone! Wow. Wait. That means she was having sex when when Osama bin Laden got killed or Ratko Mladi? got arrested for genocide and war crimes. It seems justice, [...]

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Beyonce To Perform At Michael Jackson Tribute Well Away From His Mental Fans

by Mof Gimmers

We’re a little obsessed with Michael Jackson here in the ‘spray hole. Well we would wouldn’t we? He’s fascinatingly odd. We could stare at his gargoyle face all day long. Y’know, that one that didn’t change at all in the 40-odd years he hobbled around this poor planet. His behaviour was like a particularly odd [...]

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Jay Z Makes You Feel Like A Skinflint With $50k Tip

by Mof Gimmers

Do you leave tips in restaurants? If there’s a few of you, you all chuck a quid in each because that seems about right? Well, you’re nothing but a sickening tightwad because, when Jay Z leaves a tip, he really leaves a tip. We’re not talking about a tip like “condoms make excellent fingerprint disguisers [...]

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Decoded: Jay Z And Kanye West’s Watch The Throne ‘Otis’ Promo

by Mof Gimmers

Kanye West and Jay Z have got together to make supreme ego project, Watch The Throne. The first single taken from it is called ‘Otis’. Is that something to do with the people who make shopping centre escalators? Of course it isn’t. That’s a stupid notion. But well done if you’ve ever noticed that mall [...]

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Kanye West Falls Flat On His Ass Due To Weight Being The Only Victim In The World [Video]

by Mof Gimmers

We feel sorry for Kanye West. He’s the only celebrity on Earth who gets any criticism of any sort. The rest of them are treated like Gods among men, while he is vilified and pilloried every time he opens his mouth. Essentially, everyone is picking on him and he doesn’t like it. And he’s not [...]

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Beyonce Features On Jay Z And Kanye West’s Bloated ‘Watch The Throne’ Track [Video]

by Mof Gimmers

On the back of Kanye West referring to himself as ‘Hitler’ over the weekend at a festival appearance, he’s stopped wanting to invade Poland for long enough to make a buncha tracks with Jay Z in a project called ‘Watch The Throne’. Of course, Jay Z is an outrageous talent when on form, but alongside [...]

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Jay Z To Team Up With Adele Which Will Make Her Even Bigger

by Mof Gimmers

Jay-Z, a man we all like even when he makes records that seem a bit crap, is planning on making Adele ‘massive’. Can anyone think of a joke for that previous sentence? Like, Adele is pretty massive as it is. She’s really big in America… she’s huge everywhere! So where’s the joke? No matter, J-Hova [...]

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Beyonce Embarrassed By Leakage

by Mof Gimmers

Anyone who says they hate Beyonce is either a liar or a former member of Destiny’s Child, jarred and infuriated by her monumental success. Fact is, Beyonce Knowles is one of the most likeable pop-stars we’ve ever had. She’s just marvellous isn’t she? And if you’re thinking ‘yeah, but I hate her music! All that [...]

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