Articles tagged with: Beyonce
Oscars Red Carpet Fashion: The Rubbish Non-Copyright Gallery
People only watch the Oscars for the red carpet fashion. This is because, deep down, everyone is a homosexual man. But that poses a problem for us. This massive preoccupation with Oscars red carpet fashion leaves hecklerspray a little bit hamstrung - we didn't send a photographer to the Oscars to take photos of the dresses, and we also don't have enough money to pay the big picture agencies to use their red carpet photos. However, this problem can be overcome with a little imaginative thinking. So join us after the jump for the first ever hecklerspray red carpet non-copyright gallery.
People only watch the Oscars for the red carpet fashion. This is because, deep down, everyone is a homosexual man. But that poses a problem for us. This massive preoccupation with Oscars red carpet fashion leaves hecklerspray a little bit hamstrung - we didn't send a photographer to the Oscars to take photos of the dresses, and we also don't have enough money to pay the big picture agencies to use their red carpet photos. However, this problem can be overcome with a little imaginative thinking. So join us after the jump for the first ever hecklerspray red carpet non-copyright gallery.
Don’t Worry Beyonce, Etta James Was Just Being Amusing
Etta James is so multitalented - she's a singer, former heroin addict, compulsive eater - and she's funny, too. No, really. Etta James is funny. She is. She IS. Like, remember when Etta James launched into a spectacularly bitter diatribe about how much she hated Beyonce for performing at President Obama's inauguration ball instead of her? Turn out that Etta James was just telling a hilarious - if freakishly convincing - joke. Hilarious! It just goes to show what a petty, massively untalented washed-up hasbeen that puke-stinking old hag Etta James is, doesn't it? And Beyonce. And you. Only joking! Hey, we're catching on!
Etta James is so multitalented - she's a singer, former heroin addict, compulsive eater - and she's funny, too. No, really. Etta James is funny. She is. She IS. Like, remember when Etta James launched into a spectacularly bitter diatribe about how much she hated Beyonce for performing at President Obama's inauguration ball instead of her? Turn out that Etta James was just telling a hilarious - if freakishly convincing - joke. Hilarious! It just goes to show what a petty, massively untalented washed-up hasbeen that puke-stinking old hag Etta James is, doesn't it? And Beyonce. And you. Only joking! Hey, we're catching on!
Beyonce Vs Etta James: It’s On, Which Is Just Plain Weird
The most touching part of President Obama's inauguration ball was when Beyonce's nipples performed At Last. We've never seen nipple work like it. But while Barack Obama and the rest of the world were enchanted by Beyonce's flawless rendition, one person wasn't so keen - Etta James, the original performer of the song and the woman Beyonce played in Cadillac Records. Apparently Etta James was so infuriated by the performance that she told a concert audience that Beyonce's "gonna get her ass whupped." Unlikely - Etta James is an old woman, and whupping an ass of Beyonce's size would exhaust a professional cage fighter.
The most touching part of President Obama's inauguration ball was when Beyonce's nipples performed At Last. We've never seen nipple work like it. But while Barack Obama and the rest of the world were enchanted by Beyonce's flawless rendition, one person wasn't so keen - Etta James, the original performer of the song and the woman Beyonce played in Cadillac Records. Apparently Etta James was so infuriated by the performance that she told a concert audience that Beyonce's "gonna get her ass whupped." Unlikely - Etta James is an old woman, and whupping an ass of Beyonce's size would exhaust a professional cage fighter.
Beyonce To Wail The First Thing Obama Will Hear As President
Tomorrow marks the first day of Barack Obama's realisation that he can't possibly live up to everyone's expectations as president. But who cares? More important is the song that will accompany President Obama's very first dance on inauguration day. And, since you asked - it's Beyonce singing At Last from her movie Cadillac Records. It's fortunate that Cadillac Records was Beyonce's most recent movie - had Barack Obama's inauguration happened three months later, Beyonce would have been forced to sing something from her upcoming Fatal Attraction rip-off movie, perhaps Stop Boning My Man or the whimsical I'll Kill You, You Bitch (I'll Kill You).
Tomorrow marks the first day of Barack Obama's realisation that he can't possibly live up to everyone's expectations as president. But who cares? More important is the song that will accompany President Obama's very first dance on inauguration day. And, since you asked - it's Beyonce singing At Last from her movie Cadillac Records. It's fortunate that Cadillac Records was Beyonce's most recent movie - had Barack Obama's inauguration happened three months later, Beyonce would have been forced to sing something from her upcoming Fatal Attraction rip-off movie, perhaps Stop Boning My Man or the whimsical I'll Kill You, You Bitch (I'll Kill You).
Beyonce Wants To Be Wonder Woman Something Rotten
This is getting confusing - first Beyonce told us that she was Sasha Fierce, and now she might be Wonder Woman as well. Beyonce, that is. Not Sasha Fierce. Unless Sasha Fierce wants to be Wonder Woman instead of Beyonce. But at the moment we just think that it's Beyonce who wants to be Wonder Woman, and Sasha Fierce hasn't got anything to do with it. Except that Sasha Fierce is Beyonce, so technically they both want to be Wonder Woman. Clear? Good. Beyonce wants to be Wonder Woman in a new movie. Which sort of makes sense. She's got the thighs for it, we suppose.
This is getting confusing - first Beyonce told us that she was Sasha Fierce, and now she might be Wonder Woman as well. Beyonce, that is. Not Sasha Fierce. Unless Sasha Fierce wants to be Wonder Woman instead of Beyonce. But at the moment we just think that it's Beyonce who wants to be Wonder Woman, and Sasha Fierce hasn't got anything to do with it. Except that Sasha Fierce is Beyonce, so technically they both want to be Wonder Woman. Clear? Good. Beyonce wants to be Wonder Woman in a new movie. Which sort of makes sense. She's got the thighs for it, we suppose.
Beyonce Is Sasha Fierce, And Sasha Fierce Seems Quite Stupid
We feel bad for Beyonce - all this time she's been waggling her bum about in public, we never knew it was all due to schizophrenia. But apparently it is. You see, the real Beyonce is quiet, timid, dowdy and about as sexy as a damp dishcloth. The girl you see onstage flapping her bumcheeks together and shouting about her jelly like it's a bomb that's about to go off is actually Beyonce's alter-ego, a woman named Sasha Fierce. And Sasha Fierce is about to make her voice heard even more, because Beyonce has decided to name her new album I Am... Sasha Fierce. What's even more interesting is that I Am... Sasha Fierce is going to be a double album, proving once and for all that not only is Sasha Fierce Beyonce's aggressive, outspoken and glamourous side, but also her side that doesn't seem to have any form of inbuilt quality control whatsoever.
We feel bad for Beyonce - all this time she's been waggling her bum about in public, we never knew it was all due to schizophrenia. But apparently it is. You see, the real Beyonce is quiet, timid, dowdy and about as sexy as a damp dishcloth. The girl you see onstage flapping her bumcheeks together and shouting about her jelly like it's a bomb that's about to go off is actually Beyonce's alter-ego, a woman named Sasha Fierce. And Sasha Fierce is about to make her voice heard even more, because Beyonce has decided to name her new album I Am... Sasha Fierce. What's even more interesting is that I Am... Sasha Fierce is going to be a double album, proving once and for all that not only is Sasha Fierce Beyonce's aggressive, outspoken and glamourous side, but also her side that doesn't seem to have any form of inbuilt quality control whatsoever.
Beyonce is White, L’Oreal Seems to Think
It must be a great feeling to be Beyonce Knowles-Z - a strong, black, female role model for millions around the world. That is, unless a cosmetics company decide to make you white. Then you kind of fall down on part of that description. It would seem that the make-up behemoths at L'Oreal may just be the types to force this kind of change on the young diva, with claims being made that Beyonce's skin tone has been lightened for a magazine ad. The company dispute these allegations. You know - 'whitening' things up to make them more palatable to the masses. They did it with every other element of black culture - the music, the clothing, the lingo - why not start trying to make black celebrities white too? Okay, so maybe we're going a bit overboard with it - but it's Friday, and hecklerspray has some drinkin' to get done. It's maybe not as bad as that.
It must be a great feeling to be Beyonce Knowles-Z - a strong, black, female role model for millions around the world. That is, unless a cosmetics company decide to make you white. Then you kind of fall down on part of that description. It would seem that the make-up behemoths at L'Oreal may just be the types to force this kind of change on the young diva, with claims being made that Beyonce's skin tone has been lightened for a magazine ad. The company dispute these allegations. You know - 'whitening' things up to make them more palatable to the masses. They did it with every other element of black culture - the music, the clothing, the lingo - why not start trying to make black celebrities white too? Okay, so maybe we're going a bit overboard with it - but it's Friday, and hecklerspray has some drinkin' to get done. It's maybe not as bad as that.
Jay-Z Eats Beyoncé’s Boobies
Aww, a newly-wed couple, isn’t it a wholesome sight to see? They say love will last forever between couples who are destined to be soulmates, or in the case of many UK women, until a footballer's money runs out. Jay-Z and Beyoncé have a problem based on their career choice of being musicians. While they're not locked away in a studio, they are off around the globe touring at various gigs and festivals. It appears that poor Jay-Z is missing his darling wife so much, he's turned into a love-struck puppy. At a recent gig in Nigeria, he asked on his rider for a melon to be split in half and transformed in to a replica of his wife’s boobies. We just have one question: Are Beyoncé’s boobs green, sweet and edible?
Aww, a newly-wed couple, isn’t it a wholesome sight to see? They say love will last forever between couples who are destined to be soulmates, or in the case of many UK women, until a footballer's money runs out. Jay-Z and Beyoncé have a problem based on their career choice of being musicians. While they're not locked away in a studio, they are off around the globe touring at various gigs and festivals. It appears that poor Jay-Z is missing his darling wife so much, he's turned into a love-struck puppy. At a recent gig in Nigeria, he asked on his rider for a melon to be split in half and transformed in to a replica of his wife’s boobies. We just have one question: Are Beyoncé’s boobs green, sweet and edible?
