If you follow this blog at all, you’ll know that I was majorly jazzed for the MTV Video Music Awards last night. I had my series of fun predictions over what might happen and for the first time in 9 years, I was genuinely excited to watch this shit.
However, instead of fulfilling ANY of my expectations, I instead sat back and watched my youth fucking DIE on stage. Sure, it had some good parts (the whole show was shameless in its blackness, Beyonce was fire as always, and she won video of the year so that was cool), but for the most part it was pure, childhood-crushing shit.
Back in my day, the MTV Video Music Awards were a legit awards show with, you know, awards. They had amazing production value, top tier performances, HOSTS. Now, the MTV VMAs are basically on the same level as the Much Music VMAs, aka Canada’s way shittier music awards show that’s basically just a big concert with a few awards and not filmed or done like a real awards show at all.
That is sadly what the VMAs has become. You know how many awards they gave out on air last night? FIVE. In the first two hours, they gave our TWO fucking awards!!!! Maybe it would be different if the performances in between awards were mind blowing like they used to be a mere few years ago, but they just weren’t.
Rihanna’s opening number was boring as fuck, her other million numbers were okay enough, Future was whatever, Nick Jonas was whatever, the sound for Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj was SHIT, Beyonce was fire but Beyonce is ALWAYS fire. You can’t just base a show on Beyonce being fire. This isn’t a Beyonce concert, it’s the fucking MTV VMAs, don’t just give me a mini version of Beyonce’s fucking tour!
And Britney’s performance? Jesus Christ. I mean, obviously it was decent and nowhere near as bad as her 2007 shit show, but, as my bff Melissa pointed out to me as we watched it, at least in her glory days she lip sang, but did a different recording to lip sing to so it wasn’t just her singing along to the EXACT version that was on the radio.
And Kanye’s big exciting 4 minutes was legit just Kanye talking about nothing much really for four fucking minutes and then showing us his newest music video for the song “Fade” which, honestly, was my favorite part of the whole goddamn thing (until the end when the girl in the video becomes that cat person. I mean, I don’t get it but the rest of the video was fire and the song has a great beat).
Nothing I was mega excited for really amounted to much of anything. I guess Drake saying he loved Rihanna was cool, but, I don’t know. I feel super let down.
I’m turning 30 this year, and I felt like watching MTV fucking die like this, and become a shell of its former self, really made me realize that not only am I not a kid anymore, but MTV’s glory days are long past. I feel bad for the kids who didn’t get to watch the VMAs from 1984 – 2004, because it used to be really cool.
Honestly, I expected the VMAs to make me super happy, but instead they just gave me an existential crisis, so, you know, COOL.