Articles tagged with: Beyonce
Nobody really knows for sure if Jay-Z and Beyonce got married recently - sure, there may be unquestionable proof that they did, but nobody knows for sure. Admittedly Mary J Blige said that Jay-Z and Beyonce were married, plus they both applied for a marriage license right before the alleged wedding, plus the woman who did the flowers for the wedding said that Jay-Z and Beyonce were married and they've both been seen wearing giant wedding rings, but nobody can really say for sure if they're actually married or not. And, yes, admittedly Jay-Z and Beyonce have also just filed their marriage license and a town clerk has confirmed that they are definitely married, but look inside your heart, people. Is it telling you that Jay-Z and Beyonce are really married? It is? It is? Oh, well in that case they probably are married, then. Carry on.
Rumour has it that one single sperm out of the millions and millions found in Jay-Z’s roca-jizz has won the race to fertilize Beyonce’s little ovarian egg. According to Actress Archives, Beyonce was recently spotted in NYC with her belly seemingly being pushed out from the inside - a phenomenon synonymous with pregnant women. And fat people. And people with hernias. And people with pillows under their shirt. But, what with the recent out-of-the-blue wedding reports, pregnancy is the most realistic choice and, according to OK! Magazine, a source close to the couple told them: "I've heard from at least two people that Beyonce is pregnant."
Jay-Z and Beyonce wanted their wedding to be a special, private affair - something they could say was theirs without intrusion from the outside world. So, in retrospect, maybe Jay-Z and Beyonce shouldn't have hired the world's gobbiest florist to decorate their apartment, because that florist - Amy Vongpitaka - has pretty much blabbed off about every single little aspect of their wedding in excruciating detail to a magazine. On and on and on she went, yapping away to nobody in particular about garlands and blooms and blah blah blah. Warning: the following scenes contain endless talk about floristry that some readers might find a bit tedious.
Mary J Blige is the Simon Says of modern celebrity culture - if Blige doesn't pass comment on it then it never really happened.
So with that in mind it's safe to assume that Jay-Z and Beyonce really did get married on Friday, because Mary J Blige kicked off a co-headlining concert with Jay-Z on Saturday by shouting "Congratulations to my man Jay-Z and my girl B!"
Which makes it indisputable that Jay-Z and Beyonce are really married, unless Mary J Blige was congratulating them on something else, of course - like finding buried treasure on a beach with a metal detector, for example, or for making a tiny hat that's the perfect size for a duck's head, or for stringing the world on for so long about whether they're married or not that most people would rather swallow broken glass than think about Jay-Z or Beyonce for another second. Who knows?
Singing businessman Jay-Z has finally made an honest woman of his hitherto ho-beau Beyonce Knowles.
According to People.Com, the couple held a private wedding ceremony at Jay-Z's New York apartment yesterday evening, to which only close friends and family were invited.
They didn’t even have the common decency to invite the press. How are we to trust them? What are they so afraid of us seeing? Would we have found out the service was being funded by Jay-Z’s links to nineteenth century slave trade profiteering?
The ongoing will they/won't they marriage flap between Jay-Z and Beyonce has literally got like six people quite near the edge of their seats.
Every couple of months there'll be a story about how Jay-Z and Beyonce secretly got married in a far-off country, only for it to be shot down later by people bored enough to actually check up on these things.
But now? Now Jay-Z and Beyonce are definitely going to get married because they've just taken out a marriage license. That's right - at some point over the next 60 days there's definitely going to be a Jay-Z wedding. We'd suggest it takes place on May 14th - because there's nothing more romantic than a wedding that takes place on the 212th anniversary of the smallpox vaccination being first administered.
If you had to describe Beyonce in a word, what would it be? Remember that 'big-thighed' doesn't count because it's technically two words.
We'd go with 'multi-talented'. Which, we know, is two words as well. We haven't thought this through. Anyway, Beyonce's staggering versatility has just been exercised again because, following her much-hyped turn in 1960s period musical Dreamgirls, Beyonce has decided to branch out and star in 1960s period musical Cadillac Records.
They're different, really they are. Mainly because Beyonce is a producer on Cadillac Records so she gets to make sure that nobody casts sodding Jennifer Hudson to steal all her thunder again.
We hereby take back everything negative we've ever said about the Grammys.
Yes, the Grammys are dull, overlong and self-congratulatory, but if the Grammys didn't exist, then Aretha Franklin's demented tantrum over Beyonce calling Tina Turner 'the queen' instead of her wouldn't exist either. And that's just too priceless to live without.
Especially now that Beyonce's dad has gotten in on the act, too - Matthew Knowles has called Aretha Franklin "childish and unprofessional" for her outburst. We're expecting Aretha's "That's childish, unprofessional and super-super morbidly obese to you," retort to come any second now.
