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Charlie Sheen And Brooke Mueller Want To Carry On Taking Drugs, For Their Kids

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! You know how we thought that Charlie Sheen had gone boring and stopped taking all those lovely, mind-wrecking Class A drugs? Well, we might be in with a bit of luck here because it seems that he’s planning on consuming a lot more, which means he might go mental and die! See, Charlie Sheen [...]

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Ronnie Wood’s Son Gets Beaten With Baseball Bats And We’re Supposed To Care

by Mof Gimmers

Ronnie Wood – a man who looks like all four faces of Mount Rushmore packed into one particularly perished melon – is of course, rock royalty. This means that, away from him mugging on-stage with The Rolling Stones, we’re supposed to care about the other aspects of his life. So has something bad happened to [...]

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Charlie Sheen To Be Bricked To Death By Insane Clown Posse Fans

by Mof Gimmers

Detroit’s hilariously thick hip hop mongrels, Insane Clown Posse, have been booking hard for their 12th annual Gathering of the Juggalos festival. Beautifully, Charlie Sheen has been booked for the show and it will almost certainly end in tears. You’re probably thinking ‘Charlie Sheen isn’t the monumental balls-up he once was. It’ll pass without incident, [...]

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Charlie Sheen To Grin Through The Tears At Comedy Roast Before Hitting The Drugs Again

by Mof Gimmers

For all the misery that Charlie Sheen has put us through since his wheeze of Being A Nutter got tired, we’ve all been waiting for some comeback. We kinda hoped he’d OD on bad drugs surrounded by prostitutes rifling his pockets, but alas, it wasn’t to be. In fact, since Chuck Sheeno knocked the drugs [...]

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hecklerspray Writer Gets Arrested Again For Stalking Paris Hilton

by Mof Gimmers

We’ve long enjoyed stalking celebrities in their homes. It gives us not only a sense of knowing the celebrity that little bit more, but also, a sense of achievement. Ever scaled an electrified security fence covered in vandal grease and then sneaked through a tiny lavatory window undetected? You haven’t lived. Sadly though, the vandal [...]

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Charlie Sheen Admits Using Illicit Drugs – World Rubs Eyes And Wonders If It’s Still Last Year.

by Paul Pencott

In a statement that startled absolutely no-one in the cosmos, Charlie Sheen has come clean and admitted that he once did some drugs and that. WAIT! It’s steroids this time. Reports that currently no drugs are left in the world for Charlie Sheen to consume are unconfirmed, but we are advising parents to keep their [...]

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The Horribly Lonely Charlie Sheen To Die A Gruesome, Violent Death

by Mof Gimmers

Charlie Sheen was once the talk of the town. He enchanted us all with his spectacular nervous breakdown, his drug taking, his fondness for pornography, his punching of chandeliers and his inventing of various phrases. However, he went off quicker than an opened yoghurt. Still, we left Sheeno with his custody case with Brooke Mueller [...]

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It’s Your Fault Paris Hilton Lost Her Star Power. And For That, We Thank You.

by Amy Grindhouse

First things first. We’re using ‘star power’ in its loosest of meanings. As loose as a certain part of Paris Hilton’s very anatomy, you might say. She had some strange kind of fame that was based on a filthy tape that was meant to be sent to a nature channel but some perverts packaged it [...]

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Charlie Sheen And Brooke Mueller Agree Custody Deal That Doesn’t Involve Suitcases Of Cocaine Or Anything Fun

by Mof Gimmers

Remember when Charlie Sheen was worth writing about? Okay, it looked like he was going to die and everything, but we don’t care about him emotionally. We just want to mock a stranger’s misfortune right? So he went about the world saying dumb things about his tiger blood, his fondness for porn actresses and the [...]

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Charlie Sheen May Get Porn House Dream

by Mof Gimmers

Remember a few months ago, when everyone couldn’t stop talking about Charlie Sheen? There was a time he was a champion wreck. He made women cry, invented seven thousand catchphrases, wobbled about on rooftops with massive knives and looked like he was headed for a spectacular early grave. Then he became self-aware, cleaned his act [...]

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