Remember when Charlie Sheen was worth writing about? Okay, it looked like he was going to die and everything, but we don’t care about him emotionally. We just want to mock a stranger’s misfortune right?
So he went about the world saying dumb things about his tiger blood, his fondness for porn actresses and the fact his penis is a cucumber filled with E.Coli or something.
Since then, he went on tour and got in a custody battle, poking him into becoming a massive, massive bore. Even the woman he was in the legal wranglings with, Brooke Mueller, went to rehab and failed to make Sheen vaguely interesting again.
So what we’re faced with is a tale of administration. Papers being shunted back and forth and not a papercut in sight. Basically, the news is that Charlie Sheen and former wife Brooke Mueller have reportedly agreed a deal concerning their twins.
They’ll both get access.
Even the twins involved don’t have stupid names. They’re called Bob and Max. It sounds like a sitcom that could rival Two And A Half Men in tedium.
What’s really boring is that this whole weary scenario is so irritatingly civil. The pair are agreeing over everything and being incredibly nice.
This means that we can only hope that Sheen is pacifying his ex, slowly building up resentment toward the human race and, ultimately himself, before going on a coke bender that makes his innards erupt through his eyes and all over the room filled with naked porn stars, all weeping onto their impossible, gravity defying breasts.
Fingers crossed, eh readers?
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Charlie used says
Charlie used to be my idol. I so would have enjoyed just a weekend party with this man. Now he’s about exciting as the soggy biscuit in the bottom of the bowl. Unfortunately the biscuit is more intelligent too. Sigh.