For all the misery that Charlie Sheen has put us through since his wheeze of Being A Nutter got tired, we’ve all been waiting for some comeback. We kinda hoped he’d OD on bad drugs surrounded by prostitutes rifling his pockets, but alas, it wasn’t to be.
In fact, since Chuck Sheeno knocked the drugs on the head, the best he’s offered is a stupid custody case which is less interesting as watching nana trying to work a television remote.
However, we might get to see his uncomfortable face grinning while he masks the stabbing pain of being torn eight new arseholes as it transpires he’ll be subject to one of those fine American institutions – The Comedy Roast.
Of course, this will be Sheen’s first proper appearance on the idiot lantern since CBS hilariously fired him from the laugh-vacuum that is Two and a Half Men. Interestingly enough, the roasted on Comedy Central will air at the same time the new series of Two and a Half Men kicks off, starring the equally laughless Ashton Kutcher.
Sheen says, with his trademark lack of irony:
“You could say I’ve been providing kindling for this roast for a while. It’s time to light it up. It’s going to be epic.”
Naturally, his stupid life is comedy gold for any comedian who wants to crush someone’s spirit right before our very eyes. There’s drugs, legal troubles, punching chandeliers, his haggard face, making porn stars cry, infidelity, his lack of career and absence of talent to have a pop at. Better still, in an attempt to seem ‘cool with it all’, Sheen will invariably encourage the comedians to go all in, saying that nothing is off limits.
We hope someone goes for the whole ‘Overcompensating for a small dick’ skit at some point. Lazy as hell, sure, but it’ll wound him and he’ll probably start crying before getting it out before everyone while the hall echoes with mocking laughter.
However, there’s already trouble brewing. Sources close to Sheen’s ex, Brooke Mueller, say that she wants her name “completely off-limits” when The Warlock gets roasted to within an inch of his life. And she could well be backed up by the law on this.
In the divorce settlement, Charlie has promised to never publicly discuss her drug use… which of course, he won’t stop because he’s a thoughtless, attention-seeking, emotional-cripple.
This is going to be so toe-curling that the whole world may end up with a clubfoot.
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Lucy says
how can you live with yourself Mof Gimmers ??
Steve Daniel Lionel says
Charlie Sheen, please stop using drugs. It’s a shame.
Si Sharp says
He can’t. He kicked himself out of his own bedsit as he couldn’t put up with the noise of himself masturbating while tearfully wailing in self-loathing.
Charlie Sheen has now asked him to move in, as Mof’s despair-filled onanism drowns out the voices in Charlie’s head.
Cookie Monster says
I think that I never, ever, want to be in the same room as Mof without adult supervision, or earplugs and a basin for tears.