First things first. We’re using ‘star power’ in its loosest of meanings. As loose as a certain part of Paris Hilton’s very anatomy, you might say. She had some strange kind of fame that was based on a filthy tape that was meant to be sent to a nature channel but some perverts packaged it as another kind of tape – we’ll have you know, nature channels the world over are still feeling the loss.
Last week, Paris upped her promotional obligations ahead of the debut of her latest reality show. Appearing on show after show, Paris never seemed to realise that her original fans from a decade ago had aged out and had already moved on to Law & Order reruns.
Even appearing with her mother, who co-stars on the show, didn’t endear Paris to her audience.
Flailing in one interview, on a show called The View, Paris struggled to defend her show’s pretty obviously staged nature and the heavy-handed editing to conjure storylines where there were none.
‘The cameras are there every single day,’ she explained, ‘the show’s not scripted [unlike competing shows]. You can’t write this. It’s all real.’ Well, except for the 59 minutes of filler in the first hour that showed a convoluted and desperate attempt to remain relevant – at any cost – in a market dominated by other reality stars like the Kardashian sisters. In case you were in any doubt, there was even a scene of Paris in the bath as she yelled things at her assistant. She struggled to think of a gimmick. And it was painful to watch.
Did we say painful?
Oh, we meant it was nothing of the sort – it was schadenfreude. After years of fame based on little, Paris is pretty much finished.
Clasping at straws for reasons why her show debut flopped, Paris is blaming a technical error.
?Paris is furious that the show didn't premiere at the time it was supposed to,? an insider [said] about ?The World According to Paris.? ?She worked her tail off doing promotion and publicity for the show and then because of a technical mistake, the show aired at a completely different time in a lot of markets.?
A representative from the network denies that there were any glitches in her premiere episode. ?The show premiered at 10 p.m. on Wednesday, June 1 as was promoted,? an Oxygen spokesperson [said] in a statement. ?There were no technical mistakes. We look forward to a very exciting run of the series.?
Realising there was no point in flogging a dead horse, Paris apparently dropped out of this week’s promotion for the second episode. Instead, she left her mother to promote the show alone. And, according to reports coming out of America, the disappointing ratings could mean the show’s pulled altogether soon.
Excuse us. We’re off to buy a little Henry vacuum, to get the crisp crumbs off the hecklerspray hovel carpet, before we throw this ‘WHEE!’ party on the eve of Paris’ free fall into irrelevancy.
This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, so three stinkin? cheers for that.
Simon R. Gladdish says
May I take this opportunity to stress that Hecklerspray is performing an invaluable public service in exposing these so-called celebrities for the shameless hypocrites that most of them undoubtedly are. I have no problem whatsoever with genuine talent but genuine talent vanishingly rarely gets adequately rewarded.
Cookie Monster says
Paris does have talent, in certain areas.
Sincerely,
Anonymous Penis