Hey! You know how we thought that Charlie Sheen had gone boring and stopped taking all those lovely, mind-wrecking Class A drugs? Well, we might be in with a bit of luck here because it seems that he’s planning on consuming a lot more, which means he might go mental and die!
See, Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller have been piddling about with a custody agreement concerning some kids that no-one really gives two hoots about… and in this agreement, both have agreed that neither of this depressing duo should have to undergo random drug tests. Or organised drug tests. Or whatever other find of invasive, eye-watering drug tests there may be.
So are they both planning on being absolute drug wrecks, for the sake of their children? Well, mommy and daddy are awfully dull when they’re not throwing up their fix from the crackpipe or filled to the lid on coke while berating a chandelier.
The trustworthy source that is TMZ (stop laughing – they told us Michael Jackson had joined the invisible choir before anyone else did, so they MUST tell the truth) reported that Brooke was photographed last week, caressing what appeared to be a crack pipe.
They also saw her parked up in a dodgy part of Hawaii (the kind of place Dog The Bounty Hunter likes to run at speed, wind flowing through his acrylic hair), parked up in a car with cash in hand.
And of course, Sheeno is a rehab veteran who likes nothing more than tooting so much drugstuff that his blood becomes thinner than starved mop.
Through all this, we have some little kids who must be thrilled because, with each homewrecking activity, there’ll be the inevitable guilt and hollow apology where they’ll be showered with clammy-affection and gifts.
It really is win-win.