Gossip for grown-ups
Forget that 10k run in your local park - how about this for an insanely ambitious challenge: flying across the North Atlantic Ocean strapped to a jetwing. Yes, I did say a jetwing, and no, I'm guessing there's no in-flight entertainment. Admittedly, the aeronaut who's making the flight (Yves Rossy) is a Jetwing veteran and has a team of choppers, planes, search and rescue specialists and doubtless hordes of media pundits to catch him if he falls (the flight is the brainchild of Webtel.mobi, who are sponsoring the event), but a walk in the park it ain't. It promises to be a spectacular, if a little insane, challenge - and one for the history books regardless of how it ends. But how does flying between continents strapped to a sheet of carbon fibre stack up in terms of stupidity against the history of human flight? Luckily for you, we have some prime examples all lined up...
Want to see the Carrie Prejean sex tape? Tough, because Carrie was a teenager when she made it, so you're a pervert. You make us sick. Seriously, stop being so creepy. Carrie Prejean was just doing what all teenage girls do - she was simply exploring her sexuality. With her bare hands. On video. While she probably licked her lips and repeatedly mentioned what a bad girl she'd been. Who'd watch something as sick as that? You? Ugh, you disgusting pervert. Carrie Prejean was a teenager when she made it. A teenager! Except that might not be the case. Carrie Prejean's ex-boyfriend says that Carrie was actually 20 when she made the sex tape, and that she's doing everything she can to lie about it.
You never know what you're going to get when you meet Mike Tyson. Is he going to punch you? Is he going to rape you? Both? You just don't know. And that's what makes Mike Tyson such a lovably violent convicted rapist. So it must have come as something of a relief to a photographer at LAX yesterday when Mike Tyson only decided to punch him. Allegedly. Mike Tyson has been arrested for allegedly punching a paparazzo at LAX. Brilliantly, Mike Tyson also reportedly performed a citizen's arrest on the photographer while he was at it. Yep, say what you like the convicted drug-possessing rapist who brutally attacks people in the face for a living, but that man sure knows how to uphold the law.
We have to admit, we’re not sure that we’re sold on Icicle. You play a naked bald man riding through the arctic on a child’s bicycle and, well, that’s about it. The aim of Icicle is to get your bald little man across eight levels, all of which are festooned with traps and falling rocks and geysers that are just waiting to knock you into the snow. If you decide to play Icicle, prepare to get very very, frustrated. Or, if you finish it like we did, smug. ...
Hearty congratulations to Taylor Swift! Not because she won four trophies at last night's CMAs, though. Or because she's the youngest-ever CMA Entertainer Of The Year. No, congratulations should go to Taylor Swift because she managed to get through all of her acceptance speeches without being interrupted by a hieroglyphic-haired berk with a weird compulsion to unfavourably compare her to Beyonce - the first time this has ever happened. But then how could Kanye West possibly unfavourably compare anyone at a country music awards show? "Imma let you finish, but Darius Rucker is one of the most derivative, tedious and inbred-looking singers of all time. OF ALL TIME!"? Hardly.
There's a new show starting on E4 tonight. Misfits, it's called. It's a bit like Skins and a bit like Heroes, we're told. Except, crucially, better than both of those two things. And to mark this obviously prestigious moment, we've got a very special Misfits competition for you. One of you is going to win two orange Misfits T-shirts - a large and an extra-large - and a painfully exclusive Misfits comicbook. How's that for blinding generosity, huh? And you want to win all this Misfits stuff, don't you? Of course you do, you're only human. The question's after the jump...
Being a tween heartthrob doesn't require all that much brain power. It absolutely requires cheeks worthy of pinching and a personality so adorable it could make people's brains melt out of their ears. Nowhere in theTween Hunk 101 handbook does it teach you to keep any and all mental defects to yourself. Taylor Lautner is struggling. Bless his tiny movie-making cotton socks. We don't mean struggling, as in working out which trouser leg to put on first. Or even struggling to work out which blonde haired singing star is his girlfriend, out of the sea of thousands of beauties just like her. Actually - the latter is sort of what we mean. There's an identity crisis going on in teeny tiny tween land. We think we may be the only ones who can help. In a recent interview with Extra TV, Twilight Saga: New Moon actor Taylor Lautner (and all his jail bait goodness) admitted that he has a little trouble with his girlfriend, Taylor Swift.
Robert Pattinson has got it all. He's got incredible fame. He's got wealth. He's got moviestar good looks. He's got a stinky arse. He's got armpit odour that could blind a nun from 30 paces. He's got breath that could dissolve concrete. He's got feet that could be isolated and used as a spitefully powerful weaponised pathogen. He has. No, really, he has. Robert Pattinson has admitted to a magazine that he essentially smells like a dirty protest in a curry house. Um, Robert Pattinson? We think you'll find that slagging you off is our job, not yours. Would you like it if we starred in a number of crappy films about sparkly bad-haired effeminate vampires? No. No you wouldn't. So stop it.
