Happy Birthday to Satan’s Main Bitch, and the Queen of Queens, Kris fucking Jenner. When she’s not dealing with the ridiculous drama going down with her 47 million kids, she’s drunk on a yacht with Jennifer Lawrence, and I really respect that about her.
While Scott Disick is typically my favorite member of this shit show of a family, Kris definitely has her moments, and to celebrate her birthday, I’d like to list 10 times Kris Jenner made me goes “Mmmhmmm, yes bitch, I feel you.”
First and foremost, there was the time she got real with the tabloids about saying she was drunk and alone, by stating what all us moms are thinking:
Second, when she had to some shit or support some shit wasn’t down with, and this was her reaction:
Like, yeah, I’ve been there a million times. That’s me every time I have to leave the house for anything.
In 2018, we’ve got a lot of white ladies calling 911 to report black people basically just existing. Luckily, Kris Jenner is a middle-aged white woman who only calls 911 for REAL emergencies:
Here’s Kris being everything I aspire to be in line: drunk, in a limo, flailing a sombrero, and wearing really nice lipstick:
Let’s not forget when she was the most supportive mother of all time:
Or how about that time she was a middle-aged, white suburban mom who tried to act cool around a bunch of black guys? (Thank god all these years later Kanye West and Travis Scott are her daughter’s baby daddies so maybe she’s learned how to talk to black people…probably not, though)
This face right here when she was listening to her ungrateful spoiled shitty kids get on with their crap. This is a face I know well (my kids are 3 years old and 6 months old, btw):
When I realized Kris was my soulmate (and that’s probably not a good thing):
This, just everything about this:
And finally, when she weaseled her way int Kim’s Vogue photoshoot:
Happy birthday, Kris, you magnificent bitch!