Gossip for grown-ups
Bored of Michael Jackson yet? No? Really? What's wrong with you? Well, OK, it's probably a good thing that you're not. Because he's still everywhere. Not in an omniscient, Jesusy kind of way, you understand - Michael Jackson is everywhere because people are still thwumping on about whether or not his death was down to manslaughter. There's a chance that authorities will decide it is soon - and if charges are brought against him, Dr Conrad Murray has said that he's ready to surrender himself to the police. Obviously it's far too early to speculate about the type of sentence that Murray would receive if he was found guilty of Michael Jackson's manslaughter. Although, needless to say, it's bound to include at least 30 minutes inside a locked room with Joe Jackson and his whippin' belt.
So far this season, American Idol has thrown up guest judges of just about every different persuasion. Like your judges catty? There's Katy Perry. Like your judged confusingly randy? There's Shania Twain. Like your judges charming or bulgy-veined? There's Neil Patrick Harris and Mary J Blige respectively. Like your American Idol guest judges useless and scrawny and dressed up like cursed voodoo trinkets? Then there's always Victoria Beckham. But nobody wants that, because Victoria Beckham is rubbish, right? Possibly not. Victoria Beckham was back guest-judging American Idol last night. And, look, we really don't know how to break this to you, but she wasn't completely terrible. If anybody needs us, we'll be in the corner piecing our exploded psyche back together.
Ricky Gervais seems to be one of those people you either love or hate, or something inbetween. As with any popular existence, he is subject to the normal animosity imposed by the group who are at present too cool to be a fan of a well-liked figure. Anyway, he's got a DVD/Blu-Ray coming out of that Invention of Lying film he did, so to publicise it he gave a small number of interviews. One of them was with us, yay! We also gave him the opportunity to plug lots of other things - see if you can spot them.
We all have to become grown-ups at some point; whether it’s the first time you become suspicious or the first time you complain about food in a restaurant, it happens to us all. Away We Go is a love story about grown-ups. It’s not boy meets girl, then queasy romantic glances with some popular indie track in the background, then third act melodrama, followed by the inevitable happily ever after. Maturity is something the romantic comedy genre is in short supply of, but this has it in spades. Normal couple (if by normal we mean quirky, fuzzy-faced oddballs) go on a road trip to decide where the best place is for them to raise their unborn child. Along the way they discover what kind of parents they want to be – mainly not dickheads.
Hey, you! Have you seen the hot new romantic comedy When In Rome starring Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard? No? That's OK! Neither has anyone else! Because it looks like arse! But WAIT! What if we told you that Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard had decided to get engaged less than one week after the film's release? Would you want to see When In Rome then? Still no? Because you're too clever to fall for such a transparently desperate marketing ploy? Us too! Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, you should be ashamed of yourselves! What's that? Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard have actually been together for years, and in reality they got engaged over a month ago? Oh boy. This is going to be one dull story.
It's fair to say that Rip Torn is the Tiger Woods of getting hammered on booze and breaking into banks with a gun. And what did Tiger Woods do? That's right, he tried to repair his image by going to rehab. So that's what Rip Torn has done, too - after being released from jail following his alleged armed, drunken bank break-in on Friday, Rip Torn has apparently decided to check into rehab to mend his ways. That means that before too long Rip Torn will stop being known as the 78-year-old man who gets drunk and stages late-night armed bank break-ins, and will start being known as the 78-year-old man who doesn't get drunk and stage late night armed bank break-ins. We don't know why he's bothering. The first one's obviously better.
Here's a game for anyone who has ever felt - but never acted upon - the urge to shoot strangers through a telescopic lens. It's Snipedown! Hooray! You can probably figure out how Snipedown works just from the screenshot. Some people run across the screen and you have to shoot them in the head. That's about all there is to Snipedown, although you do have the obligatory learning curve to deal with - by wave four the little sods have somehow learnt to run fast and grow incrementally thicker skulls - but ...
