Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
The Golden Globe nominations were announced yesterday, and needless to say, I was not impressed. Sure, a lot of cool and deserving people got nominated, but one key person was snubbed and that was Toni Collette.
This year, Toni Collette starred in Hereditary, a horror movie that is also one of the best reviewed movies of the year. Critics called it the new The Exorcist, and it was fucking PHENOMENAL. But what made the movie was just how fucking good Toni Collette was in it.
That was a rough title for me to type, and I included the question mark because I can’t 100% rule out Bob’s Burgers as the best adult cartoon, but I’ll be damned if Big Mouth isn’t way up there with the loveable Belcher family.
Netflix’s new comedy starring my beloved John Mulaney and Nick Kroll is a hilarious, perverse, endearing, and actually educational take on coming-of-age, and it’s pretty fucking brilliant.
So, in last year’s HecklerSpray Advent, I listed all the Kardashian pregnancies as one of the year’s pop culture highlights, so this year I’m obviously going to list those actual babies!
Kris Jenner got THREE new money-makers this year with the births of Chicago (horrible name), Stormi (great name), and True (I’m indifferent).
Just a few short months after the birth of their terribly named daughter, Kulture, rappers Cardi B and Offset have announced that they’ve decided to break up. Cardi took to Instagram this morning to make the announcement, and, tbh, she didn’t seem too butt hurt about it.
I’d say that this split comes as a shock, but it really doesn’t at all. Offset’s dick has done more wandering than Tristan Thompson’s, but unlike Tris, Offset allegedly couldn’t put it back in his pants after the baby was born (though I assume Tristan’s dick will wander again, too).
No story that broke in 2018 brought me as much genuine joy as the news that supermodel/re-incarnation of a not-yet-dead Carla Bruni, Bella Hadid, and R&B bad boy, The Weeknd, were back together.
Since they made their debut as a back-on couple in May at the Cannes film festival, these two have been inseparable, and actually seem more into each other than they did their first go ’round.
Sorry sorry sorry. I know this was supposed to be posted yesterday, but I’ve got two kids under 4, ok?! Last year I predicted that, thanks to some cool upcoming projects, 2018/2019 might be the great return of Lindsay Lohan. And, in a sense, it kind of was.
Lindsay was in the media more than ever these past few months, however, it hasn’t been for her acting abilities, but rather her lack of dance ability (oh, and her attempts to kidnap some Syrian kids…ffs, Lohan).
I am literally SHOCKED that Hailey Baldwin…I mean, Bieber…is still alive. After bouncing from the dick of Shawn Mendes to get wifed up by Justin Bieber, I assumed every tween and twink in the world was making Hailey voodoo dolls and sticking pins in her eyes and chest, but, alas, she lives.
For a really long time, Hailey and Shawn Mendes denied that they were ever actually dating, and insisted they were just best buds. However, in his new Rolling Stone interview, Shawn confirms what we all already knew: he was clearly fucking Hailey Baldwin.
Miley Cyrus should be really pissed at Ariana Grande right now, but she probably isn’t, because they’re actually really good buds. But why do I think she should be? Well, Miley dropped the video for her new song with Mark Ronson, “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart”, on the 29th, only to be overshadowed by Ariana dropping the epic video for “Thank U, Next” the very next day.
While Ariana had the superior video, “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” is the superior song, and shows off the best work Miley has done since Bangerz.
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me: A Bieber who got married! That’s right, bitches! I may have been slack on my blogging these past few months, but the HecklerSpray countdown to Christmas advent is BACK! And we are ringing it in by celebrating some of the quickie engagements this year that turned into quickie marriages.
While Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson might not have made it down the aisle, Justin Bieber and Nick Jonas did! In fact, Nick Jonas got married TODAY!
Well, it’s an early Christmas miracle. Hell has frozen over and Kim Kardashian has purchased a bra, because I officially like Ariana Grande. There, I said it. If you think I’m a sell out and an idiot for now liking Ariana, you clearly haven’t seen the music video for her new song, “Thank U, Next”.
In the video, Ariana pays homage to some classic early 2000’s gems such as Mean Girls, Bring it On, 13 Going on 30, and Legally Blonde. She also cast Kris Jenner in the role she was born to play: Regina George’s “cool” mom. Needless to say, it was epic.
