It's hard to adequately sum up the magnitude of Nicole Richie being sentenced to jail after a spell of substance-fuelled life-endangering driving, but we'll try – Nicole Richie going to jail is like Paris Hilton going to jail, only less people care.
Oh, OK, actually that was easier than we thought. Anyway, on Friday – as suspected – Nicole Richie pleaded guilty to one charge of driving into oncoming motorway traffic while off her face on drugs like some kind of effing bell-end and was sentenced to four days in jail for it. Nicole Richie going to jail will be initially hard for everyone – Nicole's torso will no doubt be used as a bony dildo by the jail's largest, meanest, hairiest inmate; while the prison guards will swiftly discover that, no, Nicole Richie isn't on hunger strike and that eating one whole bean a day is actually the equivalent to a medieval banquet for her tiny underdeveloped stomach.
When will the stars of today realise you can't get away with irresponsible driving? It's taken Lindsay Lohan two car crashes and two arrests to work it out, and Paris Hilton a trip in jail. And after Britney Spears drove with her son on her lap she went mental and thought she was the antichrist – which is a weird cosmically-oblique punishment we'll admit, but we'll take what we can get.
And now it's probably starting to sink in for Nicole Richie that it's difficult to go unpunished when you drive into high-speed oncoming traffic, especially if you've been guzzling all sorts of drugs beforehand. But that didn't stop Nicole Richie from trying – first she pleaded not guilty to her charges, then she pushed back the date of the trial, then she pushed back the date of the trial again, then she got pregnant in the hope that the baby would be a boy and she'd be spared from jail because boys aren't allowed into all-women jails. Or something.
But finally Nicole Richie saw sense and, as we reported on Friday, Nicole Richie turned herself into court for a plea bargain deal and was hit with a four day jail sentence in return. The New York Post reports:
Paris Hilton's reality-TV partner in crime, Nicole Richie, agreed yesterday to spend four days behind bars for driving under the influence. The pregnant Richie, who is expected to give birth in January, muttered "guilty" inside the Glendale, Calif., courtroom… She can choose whether to serve the time – minus six hours of time served – in a city or county lockup.
Nicole Richie will now have until the end of September to hand herself in to jail, where – by past celebutante imprisonment experience – she'll be placed in a cushy prison cell all by herself, get to use her telephone whenever she wants and then saunter off to do half-hearted unconvincing interviews with anyone who asks once she gets released.
But, as difficult as the jail sentence will be for Nicole Richie, imagine how hard it must be for her adopted father, Lionel Richie, who has previously been endlessly supportive during Nicole's times of troubles. In fact, all this jail talk has spurred Lionel on to write a belated follow-up to Ballerina Girl, his first Nicole Richie-inspired hit. My Fucking Daughter (Can't Even Drive A Car Properly) will be out in August.