Paris Hilton has gone to jail, so the next time Paris Hilton says "that's hot" will presumably be when a deranged shaven-headed tattooed female murderer throws a bowl of scalding hot porridge into her face while she's queueing up for breakfast.
Late last night Paris Hilton booked herself into the Century Regional Detention Facility five miles southeast of Los Angeles to begin her 23-day jail sentence for probation violation stemming from a previous drink driving arrest. There's no doubt that going to jail will have a profound effect on Paris Hilton's life; not only will a taste of the US penal system quickly make Paris Hilton realise that she needs to commit herself to acting with the utmost responsibility and treating everyone she meets with a new-found respect, but also – after 23 days of solidly benchpressing 220lb dumbbells in the prison gym – Paris Hilton will finally be able to become the pro wrestler she's always dreamed of.
Nothing could save Paris Hilton from jail. After she was caught driving on a suspended license following her drink-driving arrest, jail was the only place that Paris Hilton was going to end up, and nothing could stop that. That didn't stop Paris Hilton trying to turn over her jail sentence by any means possible, though – first Paris Hilton said she was too beautiful for jail and then started wailing about all the prison death threats she'd received – but it was all in vain. Yesterday Paris Hilton did the traditional pre-jail routine of simpering around the MTV movie awards in a flouncy dress telling everyone how much she was cacking it, as ABC News reports:
Earlier Sunday, Hilton attended the MTV Movie Awards, where she briefly spoke to reporters about her sentence. "I am trying to be strong right now," Hilton said. "I'm really scared but I'm ready to face my sentence."
Good for Paris Hilton, finally she's ready to take her punishment like a man! We have no idea how Paris Hilton will cope with her 90-day prison sentence that was then cut down to 45 days and then further cut down to 23 days in a cushy jail for famous people, though, we really don't. We hear the standard of silver service entree dishes is simply appalling there.
So now all that's left to look forward to are the inevitable photos of Paris Hilton in jail that celebrity magazines will pay millions of dollars for, followed three weeks later by Paris Hilton's release from jail, ghostwritten prison diaries, endless interviews about how jail changed her for good and the launch of the Paris Hilton Foundation For Ultimately Talentless Celebrities Who Go To Jail For Not Even Understanding What Probation Is, of which Paris Hilton will be the founder.
More importantly, though, this means that there'll be no more Paris Hilton news for three weeks. And Lindsay Lohan's tucked away in rehab too. And Anna Nicole Smith's dead. You people had better enjoy reading stories about Big Brother – that's all we've got left.
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James says
Nobody likes a smart ass, Funny Man..
Shiver says
Worry not. Britney’s still on the loose. For now.
Shiver says
Also, to James:
“Smart” is my favorite kind of ass.