Today is supposed to be the day that Nicole Richie goes on trial for taking all the drugs and then driving into oncoming traffic on a motorway, but don't hold your breath just yet – because Nicole Richie's lawyer wants to postpone again.
If convicted of her charges – officially driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol, but unofficially driving like the world's most irresponsible spazwit – Nicole Richie faces a sentence of anywhere between four days and a year in jail. However, it seems Nicole Richie is doing all she can to prevent that happening by repeatedly asking the judge to delay the start of her trial, presumably until the dawn of a new ultra-permissive society where drivers are expected to be out of their minds on pot and Vicodin all the time, and fascistic conventions like regimented traffic flow systems are exposed as the government-enforced shams that they really are. Or at least until Nicole Richie becomes visibly pregnant. One or the other.
After seeing the way that the media treated her friend Paris Hilton after she was sent to jail and released from jail and sent to jail again and then released from jail again, Nicole Richie has every reason to be worried – after all, if that's how they treated Paris Hilton for not being able to drive a car properly, imagine how they'll treat Nicole Richie, her infinitely less famous co-star on The Simple Life.
You'll remember that last year Nicole Richie was arrested after reports that she was driving the wrong way up a motorway after eating some pots and smoking a Vicodin or whatever. Well, because of a history of being unable to drive a car without buggering things up somehow, Nicole Richie faces a mandatory jail sentence if she's convicted of DUI this time. And that's why Nicole Richie is doing all she can to avoid a conviction. So far Nicole Richie has tried pleading not guilty to the charges, plus she's become pregnant in an apparent attempt to guilt the judge into not sending her to jail and also Nicole is trying to become so skinny that she becomes legally classified as an insect and therefore immune to Los Angeles law.
Most of all, though, Nicole Richie keeps trying to get the start date of her trial pushed further and further back. Last month Nicole Richie managed to get the trial delayed until today – and today it seems like Nicole Richie is trying to get the trial postponed until next month, as Reuters reports:
Lawyers for celebrity socialite and reality TV star Nicole Richie will get a chance on Wednesday to argue for another postponement of her trial on a charge of driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Richie's attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, appeared in court on Tuesday to ask that the trial date be pushed back to August 5 because a physician she planned to call as an expert witness will not be available to testify until then. Superior Court Commissioner Steven Lubell set a hearing for the next day for both sides to present oral arguments on the matter.
A physician! Of course, why didn't we think of that earlier? Who better to get Nicole Richie off a DUI conviction than someone who can claim that Nicole Richie had to take the Vicodin because she was suffering from post-operative pain, had to smoke the pot because she suffers from migraines, irritable bowel syndrome and multiple sclerosis and had to drive at full speed into oncoming traffic because, medically speaking, she suffers from being a complete fucking idiot.
As yet we're not sure if Nicole Richie will succeed in having her trial postponed again, but from a purely selfish point of view we're hoping that she doesn't. Because if Nicole Richie's trial does get postponed we risk a pile-up of drug-driving articles. And Al Gore's son should have the space he deserves, damnit.
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