All of those angry female prisoner wanting to attack Paris Hilton and steal her shoes had better think fast – because Paris Hilton's jail sentence has been cut again, from 45 days to a minimum of 23 days in a sort of lovely private dorm-room thing.
Paris Hilton can expect to only serve 23 days of her jail sentence if she behaves herself, it's been reported. And those 23 days won't be spent mingling with the usual jailbird set either, as Paris Hilton will be imprisoned in a cushy 'special needs housing unit' that's set aside for public figures like herself. This means that Paris Hilton will more or less be living in the lap of luxury during her prison spell – all the shivs she's attacked with will be made from the ergonomically pleasant Gillette Fusion five-bladed razor, plus any laundry room oral sex she's violently forced to perform will only be done on women who have cleaned out their vaginas at some point within the last six years. She's a lucky cow, that Paris Hilton.
It's looking less and less likely that Paris Hilton's 'too beautiful for jail' petition is actually going to stop her getting banged up, but it's not all bad news – because the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department has said that if Paris Hilton behaves herself like a good girl in jail, she'll only have to experience 23 days of female prisoners relentlessly bellowing explicit death threats at her instead of her sentenced 45. The Los Angeles Times reports:
The decision, which was made by jail officials after reviewing her case file, involves significantly less time than the 45 days that she was sentenced to serve, but more than other celebrities have served for similar misdeeds. She will not serve the entire sentence, they said, because the state allows time off for good behavior. Sheriff's Department spokesman Steve Whitmore said jailers had decided that because of her fame, Hilton would be kept off limits from the rest of the inmates at the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood.
It might seem like preferential treatment to you, but keeping Paris Hilton partitioned off from the other inmates actually makes a lot of sense. For a start, the prisoners will be protected from any of Paris Hilton's seeming random rage attacks, but it will also quash fears that Paris will be immune to the jail's riot control procedure – which basically just involves playing Stars Are Blind out of a window at full volume until everyone runs back to their cells, terrified.
So, instead of schlepping it with the arsonists and murders, Paris Hilton will get to spend her 23-day sentence encased within the more-private 'special needs housing unit' created for celebrities, police officers and other public figures. It's a wonderful place, where dinner is served three times a day on silver trays by monkeys in dinner jackets, a string quartet in each cell soothes the inmates off to sleep at night and the taps run free with limitless amounts of nun's tears. But life in the special needs housing unit won't be easy – the string quartet has only been instructed to play the hits of Razorlight.
That's if Paris Hilton's sentence stays as it is, of course. Originally Paris was due to spend 90 days in jail, but that was reduced to 45 and now stands at just 23 days. At this rate, when Paris Hilton finally does enter prison in the summer she'll just have her face stroked by a goose's feather for a nanosecond and be sent on her way again.
There's a moral to all of Paris Hilton's jail woes that you'd be wise to follow here: if you're ever sentenced to jail for violating the terms of your probation stemming from a drink-driving arrest, try to make sure you've sucked off a man on the internet where everyone can see it first, because then you'll probably get a nicer cell.
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JoySanders says
Why does that bitch think she is better than anyone else? She should serve all 90 days in my opinion. That’s what wrong with our country today! Two sets of rules, one for the rich and another for the poor!!!!
Emily says
Let it be if she can get away with this stuff than heckk let her, im sure if anyone was born with that kinda money and power in the world wed be taking the same treatment
yah we may not have as much money and power as her but im sure you would be a totally differnt person and opinions if you had all that moneyy
soo Paris HIlton and the rest of u philty greedy stuck up assholes i
salut you.
Steven Lau says
Its not fair if she just serve 23 days. Money talks again. Why rich people can get whatever they want? NO justice in this world. Paris you are B*cth
lauren says
so sex tapes and vapidness CAN buy you preferential treatment. maybe everyone should become a party hopping attention seeking whore, that way we wont even need prisons anymore! everyone would get a pass…
but seriously, has anyone ever gotten their sentence reduced for good behavior before they even get to jail???? and when is showing up for court ever considered ‘good behavior’? I thought that was ‘expected’ behavior.
Viking Lumberjack says
I unfortunately work in the legal industry, and generally speaking, the punishment is actually LESS severe for us mere mortals (as long as we have no criminal records. Honestly, no matter how much I’d like this self-centered, egotistical princess to disappear from the public’s eye, it seems like they may be making an example of her. Who knows, maybe she slept with O.J. and the judge is trying to get back at him through connection.
Regardless, the only problem I have with this sentencing is that she’s going to get dogpiled by the media the moment she gets out of jail, and the rest of us will all suffer as a result. Suffer immensely.
Tenzil says
The existence of ‘special needs housing units’ for celebrities makes me really fucking angry.
Cat says
WTF! Seriously, she’s being let off because of her good behaviour for TURNING UP TO COURT, if you get arrested and summoned to court isn’t it like,
you know a requirement. Not so much an invitation that you are allowed to decline. Why should that be classed as ‘good behaviour’? You drink drive you should go to jail. Real Jail not Barbie jail.
Being rich should not mean you are above the law. Man, I’m gonna make me some money and go on a robbing spree! Starting with any Hilton hotels.