Paris Hilton seems to be determined to corner every weird male niche sex fantasy going. Paris has done the filmed sex thing, the relentlessly dumb bimbo thing and now she appears to have done the girly catfight thing too.
According to reports, Paris Hilton was apparently involved in some kind of fight in the early hours of yesterday morning. And who was the opponent of Paris Hilton? None other than Shanna Moakler, the recently estranged wife of the member of Blink 182 that Paris Hilton was caught snogging the face off lately. Wow – having two equally pointless identikit blonde women fighting each other for your affection, it's like the greatest love story ever or something.
This was meant to be Paris Hilton's year. Everything was lining up to make Paris Hilton one of the most famous women on the planet. Paris Hilton had resurrected The Simple Life and had an album in the bag that was not only so good that Paris Hilton cried every time she heard it, but she also gave up sex to properly promote it. And what happened? Nobody bought the Paris Hilton album, Paris was arrested for drink-driving and Nicole Richie got all the attention for being so skinny. Things haven't been this bad for Paris Hilton since she pissed herself inside that taxi.
And now to add injury to insult, it's been reported that Paris Hilton had a punch-up with Shanna Moakler in the early hours of yesterday morning at an LA nightclub. You know who Shanna Moakler is – Shanna Moakler recently broke up with one of Blink 182, only to read several reports of that Blink 182 member doing the kissy-kissy with Paris Hilton. This is how People is reporting The Great Big Paris Hilton/Shanna Moakler Battle:
One eyewitness tells PEOPLE that Hilton was at Hyde with exes Paris Latsis and Stavros Niarchos while Moakler was at the bar with Dancing with the Stars star Cheryl Burke. At around 1:30 a.m., the clubgoer says, "You could hear a collective gasp around the place – Stavros had an empty cocktail glass in his hand and Shanna was standing there wet." According to the witness, Moakler got napkins from the bartender to dry off, then left with Burke and came back 10 minutes later with police, who walked through the club with her, but didn't take any action. (Through her rep, Moakler says at no point at the venue did she receive assistance from police.) Moakler's publicist, Susan Madore, tells PEOPLE Moakler and Hilton exchanged words, and Niarchos pushed Moakler down some stairs, bent her wrist back and poured a drink over her head.
Sadly, although Paris Hilton and Shanna Moakler have both apparently filed battery complaints against each other with the police, there's been no televised WWF-style trash-talking interviews with Mean Gene Okerlund as yet. Instead, Paris Hilton and Shanna Moakler have been giving their side of the stories via their slaves. Shanna Moakler's slave Susan Madore says:
"She was not drunk. To my understanding there was no fight, there was an exchange of words that lasted 12 seconds."
While Hiltonslave Elliot Mintz says:
"[Paris] said she was having a conversation with Stavros and the lady came out of nowhere shouting obscenities and struck her on the side of her face by her jaw and then continued to shout at her."
It looks like we may never know exactly what happened between Paris Hilton and Shanna Moakler yesterday morning. Unless, of course, one of the television networks decides to pick up our idea of a big-budget televised Paris Hilton/ Shanna Moakler rematch in a cage complete with flame-throwers, chainsaws, dirty syringes and, if we can secure it, the giant robot monkey from King Kong Escapes. Look us in the eye and tell us you wouldn't want to see that.
[story by Stuart Heritage]