Paris Hilton Busted For Drink-Driving
September 7th, 2006 at 13:00 by Stuart Heritage
Paris Hilton - the vacant, lazy-eyed star of an internet porn video, a TV show about how funny it is to be stupid and a CD so bad it makes us want to stab ourselves in the face - has been arrested for drink-driving.
Reports are suggesting that Paris Hilton was arrested early this morning in Hollywood when a police officer noticed that she "exhibited the symptoms of intoxication." We're not sure what these symptoms are, but we'd imagine they involve simpering around listlessly and pointlessly slurring to herself about how hot everything is. Oh wait, they're not the symptoms of Paris Hilton being intoxicated, they're just everything Paris Hilton has ever done in her life.
Of all the people in the world who would turn to drink, Paris Hilton seems to have the most reasons. Maybe Paris Hilton became sad about her wayward romances, or maybe it was the way the Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie aren't friends any more, or maybe Paris Hilton is using alcohol as a substitute for sex, or maybe it's because nobody has bought her album. Either way, it looks like Paris Hilton - who has a history of car crashes and, less relevantly, pissing into taxis - has been caught drink-driving, as CNN reports:
Hilton was arrested shortly before 12:30 a.m. in Hollywood, said police officer I. Isabella, who declined to give his first name. "The officers observed that Hilton exhibited the symptoms of intoxication. A field sobriety test was conducted at scene, and the officers determined she was driving under the influence," Isabella said, reading a police statement.
Apparently, Paris Hilton was then taken to a police station where she was booked on suspicion of misdemeanor DUI and released. That's it? No calling for someone to shoot her in the head? No rants about the fucking Jews? No Sugar Tits? We must say that we're mighty disappointed at Paris Hilton for seemingly not doing anything remotely interesting during her arrest, although we hear the forthcoming Banksy Paris Hilton arrest remix is going to be a blinder.
Read more:
Paris Hilton Arrested For DUI - Forbes
[story by Stuart Heritage]
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September 7th, 2006 at 2:27 pm
Quick…someone look surprised…
September 7th, 2006 at 4:27 pm
Put her to sleep. Like a sick cat.
September 7th, 2006 at 6:35 pm
[...] Conceptual artist Banksy (with DJ Dangermouse, reportedly) did something like that this week, a stunt that tapped into a sentiment so obvious that you might as well not even call it Zeitgeist. From the BBC: Banksy has replaced Paris Hilton’s CD with his own remixes and given them titles such as Why am I Famous?, What Have I Done? and What Am I For? He has also changed pictures of her on the CD sleeve to show the US socialite topless and with a dog’s head. A spokeswoman for Banksy said he had doctored 500 copies of her debut album Paris in 48 record shops across the UK. She told the BBC News website: “He switched the CDs in store, so he took the old ones out and put his version in.” [...]
June 16th, 2007 at 7:59 am
well i neva liked her datmuch bt now seeing see might get a taste of da real worl aye people!!!!!
yea well put her 2 asllep coz she may kill h r self awell 2 dai shell get ova it!!
September 7th, 2007 at 12:32 am
i hate paris hilton annnnnnd u didnt supply a map of where she was aressted drink driving but thanx neway