This time next week Nicole Richie will be in court facing a probable jail sentence for her DUI arrest last year – and it had better be a good one, because Nicole Richie is going to be locked in a cell and pissing into a bucket for two now.
Rumours about Nicole Richie being pregnant refuse to die, with another couple of sources now reporting the pregnancy as fact. Of course, the timing of Nicole Richie's pregnancy is suspect to say the least, and one unspoken consensus seems to be that Nicole Richie got herself knocked up solely because she thinks it'll keep her out of jail. Whether or not that's true will probably remain a secret forever, but if we were Nicole Richie we'd have more pressing issues on our mind – like the fact that any moment Nicole's unborn foetus is going to suck up the three remaining drips of nutrients currently crawling around Nicole Richie's body and leave her flapping around on the floor like a particularly skinny goldfish.
Foresight can be the darnedest thing sometimes. If only Paris Hilton hadn't taken her vow of chastity last year, she could have let some bloke knock her up to stop all of her jail kerfuffle. Same with Tom Sizemore, too – if only Tom had fallen pregnant at the hands of, say, a travelling funfair worker, then he wouldn't have been sentenced to 16 months in jail last week either. But Nicole Richie – there's a girl with more foresight than sense.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Nicole Richie is in trouble at the moment. Not because Nicole is ludicrously skinny, or because her boyfriend is in one of the world's most irredeemably hopeless bands, but because Nicole Richie will probably be handed a jail sentence next week for the time she drove into oncoming motorway traffic blasted on pot and painkillers. Now, even though Nicole Richie has pleaded not guilty to her charges, a combination of a previous DUI conviction and her own staggering level of outright stupidity means that a jail stint looks to be mandatory, with a maximum sentence of a year in prison on the cards.
But there is one thing that can save Nicole Richie from jail – a little tiny baby growing inside her belly-welly. It's long been rumoured that Nicole Ritchie was pregnant – with the pregnancy even being blamed for her trial's delay – and now that a couple more sources have reported the pregnancy, the whole thing mas as well be fact. In Touch reports:
She's been avoiding questions and rumors for weeks, but recently Nicole Richie started to confess to friends that she really is pregnant. "Nicole didn't want to tell anyone until she was past three months," a pal explains. "She really kept the news from everyone."
Well, everyone except for every major news organisation on the face of the planet. And not only is Nicole Richie pregnant but she's also planning to get married to the man who knocked her up, Joel Madden from awful punk boyband Good Charlotte, this summer. OK, so that could be seen as another attempt by Nicole Richie to avoid jail too – it'd take a mean judge to send an unborn baby to jail but an even meaner one to send an engaged women – but if they're both unsuccessful we'd be eager to discover what Nicole's next plan would be. Maybe she'd say she couldn't go to jail because she was also dying of a horrible illness, or that she needed to stay at home during the sentence to wait for some shopping to be delivered.
We shouldn't be so cynical, should we? The creation of life by two people in love is a beautiful thing, and we'd like to wish Nicole Richie, Joel Madden and little baby Jaildodge every happiness. Unless this whole pregnancy thing is bollocks, in which case the lot of them can eff off.
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