George Michael once sang "I'm never gonna dance again/ Guilty feet have got no rhythm" but now a court of law is trying to tell him "You're never gonna drive again/ You can't even get inside a car without falling asleep can you, you stubbly nobsack."
More or less, that isn't a direct quote from the court. But the point is that George Michael keeps getting in trouble with the law over the way that he consistently fails to know how to drive a car properly, instead confusing it for a lovely bed or somewhere safe to keep all his drugs, and now his time has come up in court. Well, George Michael's lawyer's time in court anyway. Yesterday – via lawyer Keima Payton – George Michael pleaded innocent to charges of being unsafe to drive and possessing marijuana. But even though George Michael thinks it's perfectly safe for him to drive a car, if we ever saw him behind the wheel we'd run in the opposite direction. Well, maybe not run – chances are he'd be too asleep to mow us down or anything.
It's a sorry state of affairs when George Michael is the country's most rebellious popstar, isn't it? Forget Pete Doherty and his blood-squirting antics, or Paul McCartney's alleged fits of amputee stabbing – when it comes to real bad boy behaviour, you have to look to the man who recorded a song called Monkey. It breaks our heart, but it's true.
Seriously, George Michael has all the boxes ticked. Sex? George Michael gropes men in bushes in parks at night. Rock n roll attitude? George Michael threatened to sue everyone for giggling at all his man-groping. Drugs? George Michael took drugs on TV. Bad Behaviour? George Michael, um, falls asleep in cars sometimes. Alright, so the theory isn't completely watertight, but it hasn't just happened once – George Michael was first found asleep in his car on a roundabout in February, then he was slumped over the wheel again in September. Throw in claims of crashing into parked cars and repeated denials of a drug problem and you've got yourself a grade A pop rebel.
But George Michael can't go on amusingly snoozing off in his car forever – and now the law has caught up with him over his September arrest. Although George Michael was not in court yesterday to face charges of being unfit to drive and possession of marijuana, he still pleaded his innocence through a lawyer and then asked for the trial to be binned, as MSNBC reports:
Judge Katherine Marshall provisionally set a trial date for April 23, but Payton said blood samples taken on the night of his arrest weren’t legal, meaning the trial should be scrapped. “Are you saying prosecution should not take place because it is unfair?” Marshall asked. “Indeed,” Payton said. Arguments were set for March 7 to discuss whether the blood sample taken from Michael was inadmissible. The judge excused Michael’s attendance for that hearing, too.
See? George Michael is rebellious through and through – he's not just innocent of being unfit to drive and possessing marijuana, but he wants the entire trial thrown out for good. And maybe we'd have seen some of that stone cold bad boy attitude in court, if only George Michael wasn't too tuckered out after one too many Ovaltines to attend the hearing.
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Colin Tremaine says
I’m surprised that George didn’t enter his plea down the phone to jo Wiley, since that’s where he usually runs as soon as anything goes wrong for him. Or Richard And Judy
cookiesauce says
Where’s the celebrity haiku on this one?