That George Michael, he's one rock and roll motherlover isn't he? OK, so actually he's not – in fact listening to a George Michael album tends to be a bit like carbon monoxide suffocation without all the nice smells – but you get the idea.
After all of George Michael's rock and roll scrapes – which mainly involve wanking and sleeping, to be fair – you'd expect that George Michael would want to keep his head down. But no. In fact George Michael is about to do the most shocking thing of his entire career. Release a record that doesn't make us drop off faster than, well, George Michael at a zebra crossing? No – more shocking than that. George Michael is going to smoke a joint on television and then say how much he likes it. It will shock and astound you, or at least it would if pictures and quotes of every word he spoke during the interview hadn't already been splashed all over the place, that is.
George Michael is quickly turning into Mildly Amusing Public Enemy Number One for his growing list of aga-friendly mishaps. Remember when George Michael fell asleep in his car? Remember when George Michael crashed into a load of cars? Remember when George Michael was doing dirty stuff with a van driver in a bush and then threatened to sue everyone? Remember when, er, George Michael fell asleep in his car again? George Michael is king of sleepy car and homosexual park-based activities, and don't you ever forget it.
But just when you thought that nothing George Michael could ever do would top the sheer eye-popping thrills of seeing pictures of a drowsy middle-aged man in a car, he's only gone and done it – George Michael has smoked some drugs on the television. In the most shocking scenes you'll have seen on British television since Nickelback painted a cannabis leaf on their drums just to prove that they were evil on Top Of The Pops once, an episode of The South Bank Show to be broadcast on October 31 shows George Michael smoking a joint. That's right: George 'what drug problem?' Michael. On TV. Smoking drugs. According to This Is London, here's a selection of what George Michael says when he's buzzing off his face on cannabis:
"This is the only drug I've ever thought worth taking… This stuff keeps me sane and happy. I could write without it… if I were sane and happy. I'd say it's a great drug – but obviously it's not very healthy. You can't afford to smoke it if you've got anything to do… It can be a terrible, terrible drug. You've got to be in the right position to take it. You've got to have achieved most of your ambitions because it chills you out to such a degree that you could lose your ambitions… there's not another drug in my life that I'm glad I took, but grass."
At that point the interview comes to an abrupt end as George Michael – red-eyed and foaming at the mouth – kicks over a table and screams "I WANT TO EAT A HUMAN BABY!" right into Melvin Bragg's face, before trying to peel his hand as if it were an orange. Because that's what happens when you smoke drugs, kids – you peel your hand like an orange. Or you become the world's most boring popstar and fall asleep in cars a bit. And neither of those are stuff you want to do.
[story by Stuart Heritage]