Break-ups are hard enough for most people to deal with at the best of times, so full credit to Britney Spears for sorting out her divorce with Kevin Federline just a few short weeks after having a loopy-doo cuckoo berserkoid meltdown and going to rehab.
It's been reported that Britney Spears has officially signed a divorce settlement with Kevin Federline that was thrashed out in a five-hour meeting at the offices of Britney's lawyers. The terms of the Britney Spears divorce settlement were not revealed – and a judge still has to formally agree to it – but we imagine that the meeting between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline was intense. Among the possessions to be divided up were the two children Britney Spears and Kevin Federline had together, the property they owned, money earnt during the course of the marriage, all the copies of Playing With Fire that Kevin Federline couldn't even manage to give away, Britney's collection of cheap wigs, stuff like that.
People, brace yourselves – it looks like the romance that defined a generation is over. Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have reportedly agreed on a divorce settlement, which means their marriage is now in its final chapter. People reports:
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline reached a divorce settlement Thursday, PEOPLE has learned. "The parties signed a global settlement on all issues of their marriage and the custody of the children," Michael Sands, a spokesman for Federline's attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan, tells PEOPLE. The deal was worked out in five-hour meeting in the Los Angeles high-rise offices of Spears's attorney. At the table were Spears and Federline, along with Spears's lawyer Laura Wasser and Federline's counsel Kaplan and Jim Simon. During a smoking break downstairs, Spears met with Federline for 15 minutes.
Nobody knows the exact terms of the Britney Spears divorce settlement, although it wasn't so long ago that Britney was rumoured to be giving Kevin Federline $19 million and joint custody of their children, so it's probably that.
What with Britney Spears going ga-ga of late by hoiking her mimsy out and beating up cars and going bald and trying to kill herself while declaring herself to be the most evil entity in the universe, it's hard to remember all the good times that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline shared as a married couple before Britney decided to dump Kevin. In their time, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline had two beautiful children – the badly injured one and the mistake – a terrible reality TV show and a sweet habit of leaving notes for each other that said things like "The guilt you fed me made me weak. The voodoo you did I couldn't speak" and "fuck a wife."
And now the signing of this divorce settlement has meant that all of this is over. So we wish good luck for the future to Kevin Federline, Britney Spears and that new pissed-up guitarist boyfriend of hers that she's bound to scare off by puking up over at some point before Easter.
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