Britney Spears (books/CDs/DVDs) is up the duff, but that hasn’t stopped her from hogging the limelight like a fat girl at a wedding reception buffet table.
If she’s not getting sued for possibly singing someone else’s song, she’s getting ready to produce and star in a terrible-sounding film about driving a brum-brum car.
And now, to add to all the madness, yesterday saw the premiere of her reality television show, Britney and Kevin: Chaotic.
Now, here at hecklerspray we hold our hands up and admit that we haven’t seen Britney or Kevin, chaotic or otherwise. But loads of other people have. So to save you time, we present a hot off the press, pocket-sized, cut-out-and-keep Britney and Kevin: Chaotic Review Digest.
MSNBC say "it makes Survivor look like cinema verite", and report that Britney only ever talks about sex, all the time, like a filthy man in a raincoat on a park bench.
USA Today reveal that the opening shot of the show was a close-up of Britney’s knees. "They look like boobs, but they’re not. They’re my knees", Britney points out, finally putting an end to the age old ‘are they boobs or knees?’ debate.
The critic from The Washington Post notes the profound philosophy of Kevin Federline when asked about love. "Love is love", he tells us. There’s a chance he went on to declare "a pen is a pen" and "a lapdancer is a lapdancer".
The Boston Globe
call it "a tedious public exercise in self-importance" and show a small
amount of pity for Felicia, Britney’s assistant/servant/performing
monkey/whipping girl.
Of course, there’s an argument that people have such an ingrained
set of ideas about Britney that the show would be panned even if it
featured tap-dancing elephants and an appearance from Zombie Princess Diana.
But there’s also the argument that watching a young woman pushing a
video camera inches from her own face and talking self-absorbed
claptrap doesn’t actually constitute entertainment.
Like we said, we haven’t seen Britney and Kevin: Chaotic. If you have, tell us what you thought of it.
Related stories:
Britney Spears Sells Urine For Charity
[story by Stuart Heritage]
Chrissy says
So, I caught UPN’s airing of Britney & Kevin: Chaotic last night and BOY was I surprised (not to say disturbed, dismayed and disgusted) at what I saw. In the opening of the “show” she asks, (with her face just inches from the lens), “Can you handle My Truth?” Puh-leez! What truth? How can a girl who lives in a fabricated fantasy world have any concept of the truth? Britney Sprears is a twelve year old, exposed-to-way-too-much- way-too-soon, under- disciplined, girl-gone-wild who is headed in a downward spiral at speed-light velocity.
I sat with a group of friends watching this idiot-fest (admittedly guiltily and justifying to myself that it was on behalf my freelance career) and not even halfway into the one hour debut, the room became filled with gasps and comments such as, “What kind of bulls@*! is this?”. We were all in agreement that this millenium Frankenstein (“Frankensteinella”) was using the using her very creator (the media) as a vehicle to expose her supposed truth, but at whose expense? In my opinion, its at the expense of her own career because she’s throwing up her middle finger to her bread and butter. . . I mean her fan base. She’s denouncing her connection (her perceived innocence) to those 8-16 year old girls who support everything that she does — and, with their parents’ money. The same parents who will hopefully withraw their monetary support to the “Britney (and now also Kevin) Destroys the Perception of What It Is to be a Young Lady” fund. She has an atomic influence over these precious little girls and with the help of this show, this radioactive poisoning is permeating on a much deeper level.
I’m sure these girls, her fan base, the machine (manipulated by the media) that feeds Frankensteinella, were anticipating the show and unfortunately many of their parents (double or single) allowed them to stay up and watch it. With questions from Brit like, “What’s your favorite sexual position?”, “what makes sex with one girl better than with another? What makes IT good?” and smoking cigarrettes (seemingly with a spiteful defiance of the camera), references to being drunk and taking Ecstacy, she is virtually deflowering these innocents segment by segment. And, UPN should be ashamed of themselves. (Though, they are the same network that airs a newscast where the female broadcasters wear revealing lingerie).
As for me, I was entertained. (Disgustingly so, but entertained, nonetheless). But it is not me who hangs on her every word or tries to assume the image that she displays in public– and now not just in public, but via her own hand-held video cam with no reporter to get the blame for misquotes or printing comments out-of-context by her mastermind puppet-masters). And, where is her team anyway? Her mother? Who advised/ allowed her to do this show? It’s going kill her career! (What’s left of it anyway). Hopefully K-Fed won’t run through her money and then leave her for Paris Hilton! Now that’ll be some “truth” for her ass!
Jay says
Britney behaves like a toddler discovering for the first time that his “pee-pee” feels good. She is as desparate as Michael Jackson was to declare, “I’m Bad”. Sad to be so completely obsessed with the obvious. Look for Britney appearing soon in a trailor near you.
Anonymous says
Oh my lord…I cannot believe the atrocity that was/is Britney and Kevin’s “Chaotic.” Hey Brit, way to show the little girls’ who look up to you, just what a juvenile, sex-crazed, ridiculous, self-loathing individual you really are. Wow, I bet your mother, despite all the riches you have brought to her, is kicking herself now for your retched upbringing. I’m genuinely sad for you and your obscured view of reality, or your so-called, “truth.” Brit, now you just look like a promiscuous, unguided child who is banking on the fact that “normal Americans” are necessitated to swoon over your pathetic life. Britney, you talk about having seen so much of the world, yet you have experienced nothing. Perhaps, you should try going to college, meeting daily deadlines, sitting in rush-hour traffic, or dealing with family tragedies. Perhaps you should have been given a little guidance before being whisked across the globe in private jets, and strapped in leather bustiers, just to shake your “assets” on stage. Watching “Chaotic” is nothing short of disturbing…I rolled my eyes four times before the first commercial break, and since Britney made herself sound so intelligent, I can’t help but wonder, “Is she sure Kevin’s the father?”
woah says
And is this coming to UK screens?
Kim says
I was just wondering why Britney thought that this was the way to go when she announced that she would be expressing herself through her art from now on. I myself have never been a great fan of her music. Christina Aguilera was more my style. But I am still so stunned by the fact that despite all of the stupid things that Britney has done, only now do people start saying things about her. Conan O’Brian makes a point to diss Christina Aguilera at least once every two weeks, and she hasn’t even been in the spotlight for a while. I think it’s time that people start holding Britney responsible for her childishness and her recklessness. What about HER fans? Christina may have been dirty, but Brit’s just NASTY! I will not watch her show because personally, I don’t care how much she likes to have sex. I have my own friends who tell me about their sex lives all the time! That’s not truth. That’s just telling all of your personal business that we don’t give a damn to hear about. But that’s just my opinion.
YSK says
I am a 24 year old artist as well (a modern dancer and visual artist), one who is fortunate enough to also be working on my PhD. I am tired of seeing other artists in the field of entertainment not exercising one bit of intellectuality. I was disgusting by Britney and Kevin and I would encourage Britney, an artist as well to go and get an education beyond high school, or some other knowledge with sustenance which may support her artistry and/or vision throughout the world.
Does she realize her show was aired to the American public?
She as an artist makes some of us other artists who work hard to make it in the business either look bad, or question how she made it in the first place with no sense. Hopefully I will keep doing what I do and once I make it can offer entertainment with more substance intellect and more respect. It ain’t just about shaking your booty….
YSK