It may seem to you as though Britney Spears' life is just one long unrelenting slog of lunatic misery, but there's one thing that can cheer Britney Spears up – her Dome Wax; three things if you count her two sons Sean Preston and Jayden James.
Sadly, Dome Wax isn't allowed into Britney Spears' Promises rehab clinic any more – not since Ben Affleck ate three tubs of it after Matthew Perry told him that it made you hear colours – but Britney Spears' children are more than welcome to visit their mother at Promises any time they want. And that's just what they did this weekend, accompanied by their father Kevin Federline. It's thought that the contact with her sons will be enough to pull Britney Spears together, and if it was a success more of Kevin Federline's 'Hey kids, do you want to spend the rest of your life with the scary crying bald lady or me?' Britney Spears rehab trips will be planned soon.
Like every mother, Britney Spears has always enjoyed an unbreakable bond with her children. It doesn't matter what Britney Spears does – drive around with one on her lap, drive around with one in a dangerous child seat, crack one of their skulls open, give one of them two different names as a joke, tell the world that the second one was a huge mistake, be in a statue where one of their heads is poking out of her minge – the unconditional love between a mother and her children will see to it that all is forgiven.
Having said that, though, Britney Spears is kind of pushing it at the moment. Since we've known kids that have disowned their mothers for perming their hair the wrong way, it's not too much of a stretch to see how the sight of Britney Spears collapsing in a nightclub with her vagina hanging out and a spectacular puke fountain blasting out of her gob might reflect badly on her as a mother.
But at least Britney Spears is doing something about it by going to rehab. Then leaving rehab and shaving off her hair in a disturbing way. Then going back to rehab. Then leaving rehab. Then beating up a car with an umbrella and going back to rehab again. Yeah, that'll do it. People reports on Britney's rehab kiddie-visit:
Britney Spears saw her children during a weekend visit to Promises, People has learned. Estranged husband Kevin Federline brought their boys, Sean Preston, 17 months, and Jayden, 5 months, to the Malibu rehab center Saturday evening, a source says. "The kids are his No. 1 priority and they always have been," the source says. "He's so stressed out right now. He only wants the best for Britney and the kids."
Really? Is this the same Kevin Federline that dumped his new baby with Britney Spears while he went to Vegas to party? It certainly seems like Kevin's turned over a new leaf in Britney's hour of need. Unless, of course, Kevin Federline is using Britney Spears' rehab stint to try and win the custody battle for the kids, in which case he'd probably want to shave the heads of all the kids' toys and leave them slumped in a corner with no knickers on and tear stains drawn down their faces with blue felt tip pen.
Hey, we're just saying.