Blackout is probably the most important album that Britney Spears will ever release, so how she goes about promoting is key – for example, Britney wouldn't want to cut a mumbled half-interview with Ryan Seacrest short to take a shower.
No, wait, our mistake – Britney Spears would want to cut a mumbled half-interview with Ryan Seacrest short to take a shower. Yesterday morning in what appears to be her only piece of actual promotion for the album that could make or break her future as an artist, Britney Spears had a telephone interview with Ryan Seacrest in which she exclusively revealed her love of cookies and how she thinks the world is slightly cruel. Then Britney abruptly cut it short to listlessly meander off to shower.
Still, at least we know that Britney Spears showers now. We had wondered.
Call us old-fashioned, but if we had spent the last three years of our lives thumping out accidental redneck babies from our vagina, divorcing the redneck who put them up there in the first place and having disquieting bald-headed suicide attempts in rehab where we honestly believed ourselves to be the devil, we'd want the promotion of our comeback album to be bulletproof.
You know the kind of thing – wall-to-wall interviews, maybe a TV special, a big tour – just to reassure the world that we were still the pleather-loving virginal schoolgirl of a pop star they came to love a decade ago. But that's just us. Britney Spears, you see, has other ideas.
So far Britney Spears has announced her comeback by miming to songs in clubs, miming to songs in front of the whole world looking like a concussed prostitute, wiping dog turds on expensive dresses and losing her children to a cornrowed pirate thanks to a judge calling her a giant drug addict. All Britney needs to do now is send a hungry bear into a post-natal clinic and she'll have completed the full house of badly-advised album promotion techniques.
But yesterday Britney Spears decided to change this by doing some actual promotion for Blackout by letting Ryan Seacrest interview her on his radio show. And, yes, Britney was in bed at the time. And she didn't seem to have a clue about anything going on around her. And she cut the interview short without saying goodbye so she could go and have a shower. But it still counts as an interview, OK? Take 40 reports on what few full sentences Britney Spears did manage to murmur out before she realised how dirty she was:
Seacrest asked her all about her custody case, and if she is doing everything she can to regain some custody of her children, to which she replied, "Oh God yeah. People say what they want and do what they do and it's sad how people, how cruel our world can be… At the end of the day… you've just got to know in your heart that you're doing the best you can and that's basically it." Britney, clearly not across the details of her court case, said, "That's like, all in the court. Stuff like that, my lawyers know all that stuff."
Then Britney was gone, leaving her cousin Alli Sim to blurt some halfhearted excuses about her whereabouts before hanging up.
But, as much as she basically managed to reinforce every single negative preconception about her during the interview without managing to look even slightly self-aware, it does go to show what a class act Britney Spears is. After all, it took Heather Mills a full day of berserk self-promotion to get the planet to realise what an idiot she is, but Britney Spears achieved the same reaction just by mumbling four sentences about nothing in bed and then taking a shower.
We should really be applauding this woman for her efficiency, if anything.
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Jodi says
Britney was very nice to do the UNSCHEDULED morning interview. She left the interview to shower and receive her 2 toddlers who were scheduled for a visit.
Stuart Heritage should get his facts straight before giving us his uneducated opinion on an interview with Britney or anyone else.
KATE says
You’re joking – you must be. Maybe she should have spent that time thinking about what she was going to do with her kids (and I don’t mean running red lights or chandelier shopping) and less time worried about “How sad our world is”
This woman has got some serious mentall problems. I feel sorry for her only because she’s to far around the bend to realize that herself.