Britney Spears: The Inevitable Weird Rehab Suicide Attempt

Britney Spears Suicide Attempt rehab antichrist 666 Kevin Federline beddingAnyone with even the vaguest passing interest in pop will have noticed that all isn't especially well in the world of Britney Spears right now, and it didn't exactly take a genius to guess that a Britney Spears suicide attempt was on the cards, either.

But what nobody could have guessed at in a million years is just how mental Britney Spears' suicide attempt would be. Perhaps realising that something spectacular would be needed to top her previous zany exploits, Britney Spears reportedly scrawled the number 666 on top of her bald head, ran around her rehab centre screaming "I am the Antichrist!" and then tried to hang herself with a bed sheet, before seeing the error of her ways and possibly deciding to get back with Kevin Federline for some reason. Of course, we should have seen this coming – in her song Oops I Did It Again, you can clearly hear Britney Spears sing "Oops I did it again/ I painted spooky numbers on my shiny head, loudly proclaimed myself to be the human embodiment of the universe's evil in front of some drug addicts and then tried to do myself in with some bedding/ Oh baby baby."

There was a time when every little girl on the planet wanted to be Britney Spears and dress up as a schoolgirl and sing songs about men hitting them in the face and them liking it, but not any more. Britney Spears effectively stopped being a role-model around the time that a statue was made of Britney with a baby's head poking out of her arse, but just to reinforce the point that she's fallen from grace, Britney Spears has been indulging in some pretty heavy-duty crazy lately.

This started off in the normal way – Britney Spears showed you her vagina and then gushed puke into her boyfriend's hands like a manky vending machine – but it wasn't nearly disturbing enough to hit home properly. And that's when Britney Spears shaved off all her hair, tried to go to rehab before leaving the next day, then smashed up a car with an umbrella in an uncomfortable show of instability before trying out rehab again. Still not convinced that Britney Spears is in the middle of a fairly serious breakdown? Well then, Britney Spears will write evil biblical numbers on her dome, shriek about being Satan and then try to hang herself with part of a bed, just for you. News Of The World reports:

In a week of rehab madness the bonkers beauty wrote the number of the beast, 666, on her shaved head before running round the clinic screaming "I am the Antichrist!" at frightened staff. "Later that night she tried to kill herself," a friend told us. "She attached a sheet to a light and tied it around her neck. Paramedics were called, but luckily she was unhurt." … Her pal told us: "She is still very vulnerable. Last Saturday she said she had the number 666 written onto her bald head. She was crying, and shouting, ‘I am the Antichrist!' The clinic people just didn't know what to do. Then she started screaming, ‘I'm a fake! I'm a fake!' It must have been really frightening. When she tried to hang herself it was more a cry for help."

It's thought that Britney Spears' suicide attempt was spurred on by one of three things; a) a rumoured fondness for crystal meth, b) her ongoing break-up with Kevin Federline or c) the fact that some idiot let Britney talk to Daniel Baldwin last week. We're guessing c.

But, hey, at least this story has a kind of happy ending. Although Britney Spears has cut off all her hair, declared herself to be the Antichrist and tried to kill herself, the ever-supportive presence of Kevin Federline appears to have placated her to the point where Britney Spears now wants to get back with him and have more of his babies because he's apparently now a changed man.

We're sure that Kevin taking his kids to see Britney in rehab must've helped Britney stop trying to murder herself while screaming about being the devil – but, really? More kids with Kevin Federline? He's a man whose career highlight came when he fried some chips on an advert once. Which technically is a better career highlight than going bald, daubing unconvincing satanic birthmarks on your head and claiming to be an evil supernatural entity in front of some people with substance abuse problems, but still

Read more:

I Am The Antichrist.. Give Me A Baby – News Of The World 


  1. Chuck Demsley says

    Good stuff! If she has half the talent and vision of Madonna, she’ll turn this into a stage act!

  2. Kay says

    Please tell me if therapy and rehab centers are supposed to maintain a perosn’s privacy, why there is so much information available on Britney? Let the girl get some help in piece maybe she can turn it around and
    get an idea how to live without a camera on her all the time.

  3. sarah says

    im sorry but she is going too far there is no point in publisizin her “insanity” *cough* THIS IS A PUBLISITY STUNT she was being forgotton about shes had her
    fame let some one else get there

    “hunnie youve had your fame its time to give up you will always b remembered

    come off it shes bin married twice and one lasted less than half a day the other was just pathetic…….she is also an unfit mother cus she nearly droppe that baby
    “poor thing”

  4. Kim says

    Attention seeking maybe but no one in their right mind goes to these levels in order to get attention.
    Besides that she’s not getting any more attention than she did before she started acting crazy but now the attention isn’t so good. I’m not a Brittany fan but this is sad for any human.

  5. Will says

    ok – so – go crazy, do drugs, make a scene, attempt suicide.. “reinvent” then sell more stuff, do a book deal, talk show circuit, new album (“soulful”) ………….. F’n hilarious. I wish this worked in real life…………. oh wait it is real life.

  6. Schmoo says

    The ‘number of the beast’ is 616, not 666. 666 is a mistranslation (it’s not written in digits) that was debunked a couple of years ago. You’d think perhaps that the anti-christ (as opposed to some fucked up bald freak) might be in on this little factlet.

  7. Sophie says

    This is the biggest hypocritical crock of crap I’ve seen come out yet! This is coming from a country where Sienna Miller constantly attacks the paps, Princess Diana was defamed and stalked by the paps, the Royals privacy is constantly attacked and invaded, George Michael?? Hello … look what happened to George Harrison and his wife in their own home … Naomi Campbell?! and what is up with that Peter Doughetry (sp?) having video after video and photos of him shooting up himself and others? Give me a break! Talk about freaks! And I’m not saying she isn’t a freak.

  8. Mune says


  9. Zeebz says

    Shacking up with Kevin Federline: 100 fans
    Proving to the world what a poor mother she is: 1000 fans
    Pointlessly shaving her head: 2000 fans
    Writing 666 on her shiny dome, claiming to be the anti-christ, and attempting suicide with a bed sheet while at rehab: Fanless!

  10. Career Move says

    This is all part of Britney’s carefully planned transformation into a rocker. She wants credibility. She wants to be treated like a real musician.
    Only problem is she’s a shiny 2-dimensional teeny star.

    I can see her manager saying it like this:

    “What you need is a little edge — a little ‘Courtney Love’. Lose the Barbie haircut. Get some tattoos. And stop being all perfect and smiley.
    You’re going to need a little goth… a little angst. And you can’t just rhrow it on like a costume… People are really going to have to ‘believe’ that
    you’re a deep, angst-ridden rock chick.”

    And here we have the see thru results….

  11. James says

    I feel sorry for her. Too famous, too young. Anybody see a double edged sword laying about…

  12. MoMmYmYi? says

    HAHAHAHA what a fricken loser! You know what they say, “what goes around comes right back to bite you in the ass”. and she is getting exactly what she should. Now if all home wreckers could get the same thing. Next time maybe she’ll actually do it so everyone can clap, cheer and chant “DING DONG BRITNEY’S DEAD”!!!

  13. sazra perry says

    I bet most of this about Brit is crap. And I like her cropped hairdo. I hope she reconciles with Kevin, because they are married, and marriages are meant to work out. Especially when children are involved. Britney, I wish you the best, you deserve it. Chin up, chickie, we are with you. Sazra and family

  14. momof2 says

    Hell of a way to get attention!! She just needs to grow up and step up and be the Mom to those kids she so wanted to be.
    It’s her children who have to suffer and grow up knowing their so called Mother was a lunatic.
    I feel so bad for the kids.
    She wants the attention is all!!

  15. molly cruz says

    Britney needs her mommy and for us all to go away. Those of us with lives will understand. Those that feed off others lives at any cost must look hard at their handiwork here.

  16. says

    britney the ROCKER ? hahahahaha



    gonna take a hell of a lot of Tatoo’s to get to that point since she started at -1 to begin with,……. using dope and going balistic, shaving your head doesnt make you a rocker, its in the heart and soul or its not, those things are just the things that rockers would use to dull the loonliness at the top kinda pains that rockers will eventually get to……….. oh baby one more time……. bad … thats all i can say, please, for the love of god, STAY IN THERAPY ……. come out of that hole with some hair AND PANTS on and forget about being a ROCKER cuz you should only rock your children to sleep at night.


  17. Britney Hater says

    Eat shit and die britney…its too bad your suicide attempt failed, try harder next time, you’ll be doing yourself and the world a huge favor

  18. Christy says

    Everyone needs to leave Britney alone and let her get the proper treatment. I’ve never been a fan of hers, but I can’t imagine what she is going through and feel so sorry for her. I hope she can find Christ in her life which would give her the peace that she needs. It’s a shame this treatment center isn’t giving her the privacy she deserves. I hope she comes back better than ever. Good luck Britney!

  19. lovetheugly says

    britneys is just goignt through a crisis. i mean what person doesn’t and since she’s a teen idol all cameras
    have to be on her but don’t forget the fact that she is a human being. who said celebrities couldn’t have problems.
    sorry she’s not your role model anymore because of this all but, try to understand that she has helped you, since you’ve
    impersinated her, tried to be like her by wearing the clothes she wears, sing like her, dance like her, etc, so she has
    helped us become better people and now its our turn to help her. it sinces like everyone always has to say something
    hurtful about britney but, everytime she comes out with a new album guess what?? she’s solded how many ablums?? plenty!
    so give it a break and try to help the poor child at this moment. we should be happy people and help all different kinds of people
    no matter what. thats why this world is what it is now because no one gives a crap about each other.
    : )

  20. Tiger Kochi says

    Aren’t mental institutions supposed to maintain privacy or Brittany’s agent paid money to publicize her bogus drama inside the mental institute for upcoming album of already forgotten singer to be on the market again. It is a business technique for such gone entertainers when they are out of the market, creating issues, specially with dope, alcohol, arrest etc… and get back into news, interviews and there release a new album.
    Maybe she might have attempted suicide, just leave her alone for a while till recovered or keep haunting her till death and still criticize her. Oops entertainment industry fails then. Sorry to ‘E’ channel. For the remaining Brittany fans, learn lessons from this and stop portraying entertainers and do drugs and dress up like them, they don’t last and if they last longer, you dye younger following their rules..

  21. marisa says

    briney lose the tatoos and let your hair grow back and ever since you met that k-fed dude you lost alot your clothes dignity and hair !

  22. says

    you are a dirty girl you should respect your children instead of dancing around a pole and showing your saggy boobies to every one in the world you should also respect your self more and stop shaving your head and thinking your every thing when really no one likes you and you should stop trying to kill your self because i have been depresses so many times and you are just so up your self and really looking for some attention i really think you should injoy life and every thing it has to come. I no things are not good but i have had the shitters life you cauld ever imagine i have no money i am not rich like you and you really do not dezerve those kids cause you are not a mother you should really just grow up and thats coming from a thirteen year old who lives in tasmania. Grow up………………………….

  23. Abilasa Selladurai says

    This all started when Justin dumped her, you could see she was really badly hurt, I mean she started having a few breakdowns and then she married a gup for a day and the she married to Kevin. I just really think she just has to get some closure from Justin and Kevin and then she can get on with her life and look after her children and have tons of hits like before

  24. Messenger says

    If there is a God, as is evident there is, I would hate for my last action in this trial that is life to have been writing the number of the beast on my head and calling myself the antichrist. Try to defend THAT in the judgment! Like the rest of the world, this girl needs to walk a little closer to Christ.

  25. says

    hi i think bald does not suit her it suits my friend better so you can go nj a lampost whilst having a sheep like the welsh
    and now im telling you to have an orgasim on camera with nick yuen

  26. Eva D Brown says

    Bashing Britney isn’t gonna solve anything.It’s very clear to me that she need Jesus.Everybody knew she had deeeeeeeeeeeep issues.Nobody
    care Because it’s all about the money.Now all of a sudden she attempt
    SUICIDE!!.And nobody don’t know what to do.That’s Fuck-up.She need
    EXORCISM.Writing 666 on your forehead that’s beyond the point of no
    return.You could all the Fame and the Money.But if don’t have a friend in

  27. says

    I wish the world would get off her ASS and leave her the hell alone ! Can u Imagine what it must be like to be followed everywhere by Guys wanting to stick a camera in your face crawling all over your car and just being a plain Nuisance She needs a month or 2 way up in the woods of Oregon far away from all the pains in her ass.

  28. Courtney says

    I wish you the best Brittany and everyone needs to realize that she is just a person and didn’t do anything to any of you and she deserves a life just like we do. You may hate her but what did she do wrong. Just give her a chance we all make mistakes and we are only human and so is she. She did so much for us so do something for her.I used to love her music and she used to be a big inspiration to me but how she acts and what she sings is not very good. and so what if she shaved her head. You have no right to say bad things about her because you have no idea what she has been through and some of it just may not be true. The press likes to twist things up and make it out like she is a bad person. So GIVE her a BREAK!

  29. shawn walker says

    I think people need to just leave her alone because she has just had alot of misunderstandings about her.