Hey kids, if you want to know exactly why Britney Spears lost custody of her two children to Kevin Federline, thank Court Commissioner Scott Gordon – he's just released Britney's court order to the whole wide world.
According to Scott Gordon's report, Britney Spears was not in "substantial compliance" with very much of anything he'd ever asked her to do before – like when she apparently overslept and missed the drug tests he ordered her to take – and that's why Sean Preston and Jayden James got turned over to Kevin Federline. But it's not all bad news for Britney Spears – the court order still allows her to visit her sons every other day, but only so long as someone is monitoring her at the time, presumably in case she gets up to any of her alleged old tricks like taking drugs in front of them or bringing Mr Boo-Boo The Talking Vagina out to play a disturbing game with a plastic tea-set again.
Speculating over the future of Britney Spears has become a full-time pursuit for some, with people wondering whether Britney will overdose on drugs or go back to rehab to get in touch with her inner Antichrist or just keep grinning around in tanning salons like she's already been doing this week. But while nobody knows the long-term future of Britney Spears, the visitation order released by Court Commissioner Scott Gordon makes it clear that Britney will be allowed to see her children for the next three weeks, albeit with some heavy limitations.
For example, until the next custody court hearing in three weeks, Britney Spears won't be able to spend time with her kids unmonitored. That's probably for the best – Sean Preston and Jayden James must be pretty freaked out by having Daddy bloody Cyclops following them around everywhere as it is without a mess of a woman babbling and farting and making them cry all the time too. Also, the court order spells out that Britney Spears won't be able to see her sons at all if she suddenly decides to irreparably spook them out, as Reuters reports:
A Los Angeles family court has issued strict rules governing Britney Spears' visitation rights with her children including that a monitor must be present whenever the pop star is with them. The written order from Court Commissioner Scott Gordon was released on Thursday… In his ruling, Gordon said Spears "was not in substantial compliance with material provisions" of a previous order that set rules for visitation, parental counseling and drug and alcohol testing… The monitor "shall terminate visitation immediately if any conduct or action by (Spears) endangers the minor children," it said.
In addition to this, if Britney Spears fails to take any of her court-appointed drug tests in the future – like she's supposedly already done by oversleeping – then the no-show will be deemed a failure and will count against her in subsequent court hearings. But things aren't all bad for Britney Spears, because her new single Gimme More – the one that Britney listlessly premiered at the MTV VMAs – has topped the US download chart in its first week of release. And there's probably a lesson for all of us there – although the lesson is basically 'if you want to be a popstar you should probably shave off your hair and cover yourself in shit and wave your vagina about until you get legally found to be a worse parent than Kevin Federline'. So we're just going to ignore it.
Read more:
euclid says
What is KFed going to do with 300,000 digital downloads
of the same song?
dilcue says
I think you mean Chris Crocker…