Britney Spears was supposed to regain custody of her kids yesterday, but it seems that evil Kevin Federline managed to stay one step ahead of Britney by pulling cruel tricks like communicating with the children sometimes, the wily git.
The judge in the Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline custody bitchfight has ruled not to allow Britney Spears custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James just yet. It's all thanks to a report by Britney's parenting coach, who worries that Britney Spears doesn't ever talk to, or play with, her young sons and lacks the routine that children crave. But rather than banning her from seeing the kids, the judge is allowing Britney Spears to see them twice a week until the next hearing. The rest of their time will be spent with Kevin Federline, who does have a strict routine with the children.
True, the routine mainly includes listening to Popozao, counting his divorce settlement cash and ordering his infant children to make him cups of tea, but it's still a routine.
Now that the Catholics are miffed at Britney Spears we're surprised she has time to worry about anything else, like the welfare of her children. But yesterday Britney Spears had to put aside worries that some old men were upset about her sitting on a pretend priest's lap because it was time for the latest instalment in her endless child custody case with Kevin Federline.
The child custody case hasn't been especially kind on Britney Spears so far – she's been accused of a) child abuse, b) drug addiction and c) being a bit of a lesbian on the sly – but it's seemed as though Britney Spears has been doing all she can to right this. After initially losing her kids Britney started to take things seriously, passing drug tests and getting to see her children and then getting to sleep with her children and taking parenting classes, so she must have been hoping that the judge at her twice-delayed custody hearing would hand the kids back over to her yesterday.
And he probably would have done, too, if it weren't for Britney Spears forgetting the smaller touches of parenting like talking to her children or playing with them or providing them with a stable environment, that sort of thing. MTV reports:
Los Angeles Superior Court Commissioner Scott Gordon reviewed a report by the court-appointed parenting coach, which was submitted on October 19 and did not give the singer good marks. While there was nothing she would characterize as "abusive in a traditional sense," parenting coach Lisa Hacker detailed in the report and in her testimony on Friday her concerns that Spears was neglectful of her two young sons. "It seems that her choices are dependent more upon what she wants to do at any given time rather than what would be more enjoyable for the children … During all three of my visits, Ms. Spears rarely engaged with the children in either conversation or play," she wrote.
Another hearing date has been set for November 26, at which point Britney Spears' case will be reviewed all over again. But, until then, Britney Spears will have to make do with two concentrated bursts of custody per week. And that means that instead of just babbling and farting around her kids, Britney Spears will need to scream her invented language at them through a gigantic megaphone while farting pretty much non-stop until all the plants in her house die, just to give Sean Preston and Jayden James the same level of affection as they're used to.
Read more:
Britney Spears Won't Regain Custody Of Kids Yet, Judge Rules – MTV
Mark Lamarr says
I know when I was a kid I was all like “Hey Mum, can you hook me up with some routine? Just a little bit, to take the edge off?” so I can totally relate to what Sean Preston and the other one are going through.