Day before last hecklerspray decided to jump into this parenthood thing headfirst. We thought about it a good long time, y'know? We were like – "Hey, we're a grown man, so why not?"
And then we flew to Malawi, got a shopping cart and hit the swankiest orphanages around. We were going up & down the aisles picking up ethnic kids and thumping them on the head to see if they were ripe when we noticed two name plates. The shelf was empty but the product descriptions were there. The tag read 'Sean & Jayden Federline: $2.99 for club card members."
We stopped a store clerk and asked them if they were out of those two, and she said 'No, they're not in yet. Britney Spears just lost custody of her children and we expect them in momentarily. You can place pre-orders with customer service.' We were like 'Yeah, maybe when the price comes down,' which in retrospect we shouldn't have said. $2.99 is actually quite reasonable for white kids.
But the point is – Britney Spears has lost custody of her kids because a US Judge said so!
It wasn't so long ago Britney Spears was a kid herself, singing about wonderful things like getting hit repeatedly and what-not. Then she hit her twenties and started leaking her own kids like a sieve. babies having babies. lets end that cycle!
There's never been any doubt the children were hers though. She captured the moment in stone to prove it. And she let thousands of people examine her birth canal via the zoomed-in power of a paparazzi's lens. Ya can't fake veins like that.
Despite the irrefutable proof that the two kids probably formed inside Brit's red martian jumpsuit, a judge has recently seen fit to take them from her. According to CNN:
"A court has ordered pop singer Britney Spears to give up custody of her children effective Wednesday at noon."
How exactly the children will fare in a malawi orphanage is unknown. It is, however, expected that they'll not be there long before Spears' number one fan swoops in, adopts them, and wraps them in a dust proof plastic.
Plus it'll give his show an interesting pilot episode.
I don’t care what anyone says I really like Britney. Nobody looks good in the limelight. How would you look to the world if you were captured on film everyday of your life. Yeah she gets paid good money for it but you have to wonder if it’s worth it.