Gosh darn it all to heck if we don’t love kids here at hecklerspray. In fact, we love kids so much that we love to throw on our favourite trenchcoat and dark glasses and hop over to the preschool around the corner to watch through the chain link fence at the children as they play and offer them the occasional goodie and suggest we take them for a ride in our car because kids sure love to ride in cars! Tragically, though, our heightened sense of how to nurture children isn’t appreciated by the caregivers of these children, and is somehow misconstrued as something inappropriate.

This is why we understand exactly what Britney Spears is going through with her ex-husband Kevin Federline. Kevin Federline has filed for primary custody of the couple’s future little train wrecks, Sean Preston and Jayden James, because it’s true what all the parenting books say: always teach your children to be freeloading slackers who spread their seed like farmers so they don’t end up as drinking, umbrella wielding, mama hatin’ crotch flashers.

We all know that trying to decide who will be a more fit parent between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline is like trying to decide if it it’s better to expose someone to amoebic dysentery, or ride a moped in the fast lane in an ice storm without a helmet. Either way, you’re gonna eventually need to change your pants. Regardless, Kevin Federline’s growing concern over his ex-wife’s erratic behaviour has prompted him to rethink the couple’s original agreement to evenly split custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James, thus the children could later on in adolescence and adulthood equally blame both of their parents for screwing them up. Sounds fair, no?

Another portion of the original custody agreement was $15,000 a month child support to Kevin Federline. We suspect this would enable him to resuscitate his tragically short-lived rap career while still providing for the youngsters. Although, anyone who’s heard his, ahem, ‘music’ knows that his talent will pay for itself and Kevin will eventually be able to support his boys on cancelled concerts due to lack of ticket sales and embarrassing WWE Raw appearances.

However, it looks as if Kevin Federline really does make a good case for himself, especially since Britney Spears has made a worse case for herself recently with a horrendous photo shoot where she took it upon herself to ruin designer dresses with chicken grease and dog poop, and even more recently by hitting a car and then walking away while being photographed by the paparazzi. Britney has also been slammed for allegedly giving her toddler sons baby bottles full of soda pop and then trying to get their teeth whitened to hide the apparent tooth decay.

If you ask us, both Kevin Federline and Britney Spears add immense weight to the argument that just because you can procreate, does not mean you should.

Read more: 

K-Fed Courts Custody – E! Online