The court-appointed drug tests that Britney Spears was ordered to take are all coming back negative – now if Britney can only stop farting and learn to put her minge away sometimes, those kids will be as good as hers again.
In what's turned out to be an unprecedented run of three continuous days without her buggering anything up so badly that people seriously worry that she'll kill herself, Britney Spears has apparently started passing the random drug-tests she was ordered to take by the judge in her custody case. And you know what that means? It means we could be entering a world where Britney Spears starts to behave in a vaguely rational way again. That's terrible – we'll go out of business if that ever happens! Quickly, someone go and sell our office's marble bathroom sinks and we'll go and talk Britney into taking a load of crystal meth or something before it's too late.
Kevin Federline must be the saddest pirate in the world at the moment – there are just 16 days left until the next hearing in the custody case over the children he pumped into Britney Spears, and it's looking alarmingly like Britney is making a concerted effort to look like the better parent again. Admittedly most people could turn up to court riding an angry froth-mouthed bear like a pony and they'd still immediately be declared a better parent than Kevin Federline, but it's a little bit more uphill for Britney Spears.
Thanks in part to the signed declaration by Britney Spears' old bodyguard who claimed that Britney not only took drugs in front of her children but also babbled and farted in front of them too, Britney Spears recently lost custody of her kids – something that was celebrated with hamburgers and suntans before Britney realised that babbling and farting to herself wasn't fun at all. And since then Britney Spears has done all she can to prove to the world that she was ready to be a responsible mother again.
First Britney Spears decided to release Blackout, her new album – meaning she's sort of in full-time employment again – and on Monday Britney saw her kids for the first time since losing them. All that was left was for Britney Spears to pass her court-appointed random drug tests – and it looks like she's only gone and done that too. People reports:
Britney Spears's attorney says the singer has been passing her court-ordered random drug tests. "She's passed her random drug tests," her lawyer, Sorrell Trope, tells PEOPLE exclusively. "There's been more than one. They came up negative." Trope said the singer's chances of regaining 50-50 custody of sons Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, are "good, based on the overall circumstances of the case."… As far as working with her court-mandated parenting coach, Trope stated, "As far as I know, there have been no complaints."
So – unless she was weeing through a Whizzinator – Britney Spears is drug-free and gunning for her children again. Passing the drug tests will be an especially big plus point when the judge reviews the custody case on October 26. Big enough for Britney to get her children back again? Well, that all depends on the judge's view of mothers who attack cars with umbrellas, call themselves the Antichrist and can hardly go ten seconds without vomiting over the nearest available man. And if the judge says that's wrong, then our mother certainly doesn't want to be right.
Read more:
Lawyer: Britney Spears Is Passing Random Drug Tests – People
Jodi says
Time to wake up folks. Most of the complaints about Brit came from a body guard she fired after 2 months and an ex husband she dumped after 3 years. Both are disgruntled past associates lying for profit. Brits’ problems are all a result of marring K-Fed. He set her up for the sole purpose of living off her money. He is only interested in money and not in his kids. While married with children we saw Brit with her kids constantly and we never saw K-Fed with the kids. We saw him out parting in Vegas. Now he is parting behind closed doors because it is required in order to get custody and more child support payments. The judge needs to do a hair analysis on K-Fed. That test will show a long history of contant drug use. Take the hair from his groin..I doubt he shaved that area. Then give Brit her kids back with full custody and visitation for K-Fed with no child support payments because they should never be in his custody. I bet he never visits them.
Crystal says
i think whoever made this article is retarded and you need to stop worrying about brittany spears and get on with your life. cause if brittany isnt doing anything bad and she wantsto be a good mother then whats wrong with that. i’ll tell you NOTHING. so you need to quit saying stuff like get her to take crystal meth or anything like that, atleast she’s trying to be a good mother. maybe god just changed her life and that can happen cause news flash miracles can happen!!!!!