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Amy Grindhouse

Gwyneth Paltrow Will Star in Two Laugh-Free Glee Episodes

Gwyneth Paltrow will stop fannying about with her silly GOOP website for five minutes to hang with the kids. Not her own kids, you silly bugger – the 25-year-olds playing school children on Glee. To be clear, that’s not Glee spelt with an ‘L’. It’s spelt with some one’s hands cunningly fashioned into an ‘L’ [...]

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PETA Terribly Excited Taylor Momsen Lit Her Dog’s Balls on Fire

by Amy Grindhouse

We should preface this with a disclaimer: said balls were most certainly not attached to her dog at the time. Just in case someone were to stumble over here and think Taylor was some dog-setting-on-fire lunatic who would ever do something so cruel. She would not. She would, however, have her pet neutered and take [...]

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It’s Only A Good Idea To Cheat If Your Mistress Is Famous and Your Wife Not

by Amy Grindhouse

Let us be more specific. When you’re famous, it’s not the best idea to cheat on a woman who has access to the popular media/ the mental faculty to write an open letter which curses out your name. We gather cheating on one’s spouse is perfectly fine, so long as they’re illiterate or mute. We [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Under The Impression She’s ‘A Damn Good Actress’

by Amy Grindhouse

Lindsay Lohan is the light of our lives. Lindsay is the gift that keeps on giving. Lindsay is, absolutely, a special and unique snowflake. And, a delusional one at that. And we love her for it. While you were selfishly living your life, abiding by the law and not doing cocaine, Lindsay was suffering. Suffering, [...]

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Tiger Woods Mistress Would Give Up Dignity For Him… Again

by Amy Grindhouse

Tiger Woods is addictive. And fairly good at golf. But mostly addictive. At least, that’s what his highest-earning bit-on-the-side would have us believe. Tiger spent most of 2009 in the laps of assorted waitresses and porn stars, while his wingman went for the Wingman Medal of Honour the same year (and won). Seriously, so far [...]

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‘Fountain of Youth’ Suri Cruise Keeps Tom Cruise Young

by Amy Grindhouse

Tom Cruise has denied that he’s nightly bathing in the blood of virginal $cientology converts, in order to stave off the ravages of age. That’s probably a wise denial, if ever we heard one. Tom turned 48 years old on July 3rd. As is customary at this time of year, a painting in his attic [...]

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Snooki Under The Impression That She’s ‘Too Pretty To Be In Jail’

by Amy Grindhouse

Nicole Polizzi – one of the only notable cast-members on MTV’s reality show Jersey Shore – has come a long way since the early episodes where none of the other people in the shared house could be bothered to learn the nickname Snooki and so instead called her Snickers. Now, almost all of the time, [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Won’t Be Replaced in Really Grim Inferno Role

by Amy Grindhouse

Studio bosses probably looked for – but did not find – a better suited addict to play the role of 1970′s adult movie star Linda Lovelace. So they’re stuck with Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay is being promoted in the role of Linda; a woman who, according to the Inferno script, was put on this earth only [...]

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Michael Lohan Is a Complete and Utter Scumbag. Unless He Isn’t.

by Amy Grindhouse

Michael Lohan may have, allegedly, set a new record for mind-blowing scumminess. We say ‘allegedly’, as we’re awaiting official verification that Michael is really the scum of the earth. We’re expecting that certified letter in the post, any day now. There are some pretty breathtaking allegations being slung at Michael right now. Not that most [...]

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