Tom Cruise has denied that he’s nightly bathing in the blood of virginal $cientology converts, in order to stave off the ravages of age. That’s probably a wise denial, if ever we heard one.
Tom turned 48 years old on July 3rd. As is customary at this time of year, a painting in his attic gains a new wrinkle while the actor ages about one month out of the last 12.
Rather than admit to his fairly obvious Benjamin Button-style witchery, Tom claims that his four-year-old daughter is the key to him staying young. Yeah. Admitting to feeding off the soul of your child is much better than just admitting to anything else nefarious. Well played, Tom. Well played.
There are a couple of things that seem off here. Not least because this is only one of the ways in which he’s favouring his biological daughter over his two adopted children; many forget he has two older adopted children – Connor, 15, and Isabella, 17. However, Suri is pretty obviously his favourite – as demonstrated by his feeding off her soul and not those of his teenagers.
From Bild, as translated by People magazine:
Age is only a number ? especially as far as Tom Cruise is concerned. Last month, the actor turned 48, but the father of three admits to having a secret for staying young.? ?I love all my children, but Suri is my fountain of youth,? Cruise tells the German magazine Bild about his 4-year-old daughter with his adoring wife Katie Holmes. ?We jump on the trampoline together.?
Sure, Tom. You love them equally. That’s why Suri and you will live forever, like the paler members of the True Blood cast, and the adopted kids/ wife/ ex-wife/ whoever else will succumb to the ageing process.
In related news, did you know that little Suri’s powers extend to mind control? Not only is she the human elixir of life, she can also control her mother with the precision of a puppet master. Either that or Katie Holmes just plain has no discernible mind of her own. More likely the latter, now that we think about it.
From NY Magazine, with whom Katie did a cover story:
[Suri] says, ?I want this sleeve cut,? and it's like, ?Okay, we?ll cut it.? She picks out all of her own clothes and has since she was 1?. Tom and I went to the Met ball a couple of years ago, and I had this beautiful red gown and these royal-blue shoes that I wasn?t planning on wearing, but Suri made me put them on and so I was like, ?Okay, I trust you.?
This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, so hooray for that
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Stella says
Like so many modern men he’s like a green fruit that rots without ever ripening