Something's clearly not right here. By packing David and Victoria Beckham off to Los Angeles we guessed that we wouldn't hear much more from them – but now the Beckhams have managed to elbow their way into the news more than ever.
It's all because of David Beckham's move to play for the Los Angeles Galaxy, of course – where he's basically become the most highly-paid T-shirt salesman in the world – but you wouldn't know it to hear Victoria Beckham prattling on endlessly about herself. This week sees the broadcast of the prime-time Victoria Beckham TV special, but before its aired Victoria Beckham has decided to treat us all to a little sneak preview – by carping on about her massive new LA house in such excruciating detail that we're surprised nobody has pushed her down a flight of stairs for it yet.
So much has been made of David and Victoria Beckham's arrival in Los Angeles that anyone would think Jesus had popped over to LA to share the secret of eternal life with the world instead of a squeaky-voiced, past-his-best footballer and his relentlessly irritating wife – but things are only going to get worse, so buckle up and grit your teeth.
Although we've all endured the Tom Cruise stories and the Beckham family waxworks, tonight things will kick into overdrive with the American premiere of Victoria Beckham's dull-as-bricks sounding TV special Victoria Beckham: Coming To America. Even though Victoria Beckham: Coming To America has been edited down into a one-off special from the original six-part TV series concept about how many pigs chased Victoria Beckham around a school – never the most promising sign for a TV show – the hype about it is so great that it's all Victoria Beckham can do not to turn up to every single TV show around and unflaggingly talk about herself like she's the most important thing on earth. Oh wait a minute, that's what she has been doing.
Most recently Victoria Beckham has been talking about her great big new house in Los Angeles. Up until now we knew two things about the new Beckham home – 1) it isn't Neverland and 2) it has an insultingly expensive wardrobe in it – but Victoria Beckham wants you to know more about it. Much more. The Mirror reports:
David set eyes on the six-bedroom home for the first time last Thursday. His training schedule for Real Madrid stopped him joining his wife on her house-hunting trips. And Victoria said the pad was so impressive it stunned him into silence. She added: "The place is so amazing, I can't tell you how fabulous it is. Obviously David hadn't seen it so I was really nervous about his reaction… Katie Holmes has been amazing, helping me get all the girly stuff sorted. And Kelly Hoppen has done the most incredible job… Her taste is impeccable, it's all very simple, muted tones, and practical to live in, but so stylish at the same time."
Well thank christ we know that now. We're sure that Victoria Beckham will be delighted to hear that hecklerspray's home is equally simple and stylish, having been mainly decorated with planks of wood and breezeblocks. What's that? Victoria Beckham's house is better than ours because it's full of blown-up pictures of the David and Victoria Beckham W magazine photoshoot? Well, OK, we'll grudgingly admit that Victoria Beckham probably lives in a nicer house than us, but since we'll never have children pulling on our trouser legs and asking us "Mummy, why are you lying on that car pointing your arse at Daddy like a slut in that picture?" we're calling it a draw.
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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
That must be why the 7 related and recent posts are all about her here, because you obviously don’t care
I LOVE YOU! By far the snarkiest, snidest abuse of sarcasm I’ve read in ages. Best laugh in weeks.
envy envy envy
Were the spice girls ever actually popular in England? They were the consistent butt of jokes in the US. and considered somewhat talentless. Now we are forced to endure more of them. As for David Beckham bringing soccer to the forefront of US sports, Soccer in America maintains a TV rating somewhere below Golf, Tennis, Car racing, baseball, basketball, US football, womens basketball, and all the college versions of these sports. He is close to the highest paid athlete in the US yet he is representing a sport that can’t get 5,000 fans to consistently show up at an event. US college American football games will draw over 100,000 fans to every one of their games during a season. Good luck to David for he is facing a sports Goliath that won’t go down so easily.
WELL STOP WRITNG ABOUT THEM!
I am Canadian. Yes, I know, Canada and Britain are part of the British Commonwealth, but we are nothing like the U.K. You all have put these two idiots on the front of every one of your stupid mags and newspaers. They can’t be famous for nothing unless idiots and audiences such as yourselves, allow it and demand it. Now the U.S. is following them around like they cured cancer or something that would actually warrant such media attention. Thank God they didn’t come to Canada. We are not sheep. We are not followers. We actually have brains and question stupidity.
The U.S. is nothing but sheep. They should do well there. Just be glad they are gone. Try to focus on topics that matter as your country as a whole, has really lost any respect in the real world. Get a life.
Uhmmm, jmilne you’re actually ADMITTING you’re from Canada?!! What IS Canada anyway? I think I heard about it in a comic book once. Oh, that’s right! Home of Dudley Do-right! And Moosehead. And dumb-ass Canuckleheads like you… And nothing else.
And stop mistaking the American media as representative of anything OTHER than the American media. That’s like us comparing the whole country of Canada to just your stupid post.
The American media are attention whores, by definition. So naturally they gravitate to their own kind…and ELEVATE their select ‘annointed’ few for the sole purpose of getting the celeb’s feet as high off the ground as possible before yanking the rug out from under them, thus fueling yet ANOTHER round of headline feeding frenzy. Then they continue to suck the life out of these now hapless saps by following them into and out of rehab (or jail) all the while never once disclosing or portraying themselves as the Svengali behind the whole mess right in the first place.
when you point a finger there are always three pointing right back at you. RELAX, The Beckham’s are nothing more than a guilty pleasure. While there will be some folks who may watch them
and think they’ve got it all going on and hey $250million in 5 years, tough to argue their earning potential.. .. BTW, what was on your earnings statement last year??? The bottom line is that the reason folks
in the US will watch, if not for at least 5 more minutes, is Because they are so self indulgent, Because Posh/Victoria can only think of herself in any situation, Because they have the ability to spend
money like it’s nothing. In the end, they ARE the joke, ..don’t you get it? They are on TV thinking they are over the top wicked cool, meanwhile they look to be complete morons whenever
a word is uttered, …it’s awesome! … But make no mistake, there are EXACTLY 250 million reasons they are on tv. David is supposed to make America forget about OUR Football and watch Soccer(Football)
instead. With that kind of mammoth goal, any and ALL publicity is good, …and wether it comes in the form of an attractive, rich lady with the IQ of a potato or some other good looking, empty headed person who
also has the cure for cancer, …it’s called EXPOSURE. and that my friends is what it’s going to take to make the LA Galaxy’s 250 mil investment pay-off. BTW, ever stop to think, why LA’s soccer team?? do you
honestly think they would have THIS much exposure if he joined any other team OTHER than LA?
“…instead of a squeaky-voiced, past-his-best footballer…”
what do you think you know about football? beckham is not past his best; im tired of people just trying to sound clever and negative in their articles, to make it sound like they have a clue of what they’re speaking of.
so, Stuart Heritage, knock it off with the negative writing.
it’s insulting to my knowledge of football and my intelligence as a human being.
I, too, am Canadian.. but who cares? My point is, shut up jmilne420, don’t give Canadians a bad name. Pop culture has nothing to do with Nationality. I noticed plenty of stupidity in Canada while living there for my first 30 years. Why would the Beckhams move to Canada anyway? For the snow and snobs? That’s exactly why I left.
If you really did not care, would you write the whole piece on her in the first place?
God what an annoying media blitz about a player in a sport no one in America cares about and his wife who might qualify as a small draw on “Dancing with the Stars”. I wish it would go away.
First I would like to say that Canadian person was correct. Anyone who follows these two hollywood types is a idiot. Why are they hollywood types? Well all they are is some more gossip material. David should have stayed in Europe because soccer in the U.S. is NEVER going to compete against the other sports. Take a look at movies that past few yrs and you will find that most of them never hit the theaters, they just went straight to blockbuster. So hollywood is a joke.
jmilne420 Says:
… The U.S. is nothing but sheep. ….
Oh how very pedantic of you. A special Canadian that you are to have such a “mind” as to group a whole country of individuals into one unimaginative, self-serving ideology. Bravo — keep that nose held high in the air jmline420.
Unbelivable.
i don’t see what the big deal is.she is a leech and washed up. and sticking around for the money. they are in hollywood now,give it some time and they will be in divorce court just like the rest of the stars.Hollywood is just a gigantic orgy !
A much better special would describe who was paid off, wined,jetted, comped and generally
bought off to feature all this crap. Name names and pics of the PR people, tapes of the conversations, etc would be useful.
Hollywood needs to visit the real world and see some dying kids. Utter white trash, the beckhams and their enablers.
“i don’t see what the big deal is.she is a leech and washed up. and sticking around for the money. they are in hollywood now,give it some time and they will be in divorce court just like the rest of the stars.Hollywood is just a gigantic orgy !”
So when does the Victoria Beckum issue of Playboy hit the stands?
Nashville, you forgot to mention one summer sport that also outpoints soccer — competitive eating. Joey Chestnut taking down the Japanese superman Takeru Kobayashi in the hot dog eating contest was the biggest story of July.
But I am looking forward to hearing more about Posh and her pretty boy husband. I really enjoyed Victoria as Patsy on Absolutely Fabulous…that was her, right?
“In Canada, we are nothing like the U.K.”
ABSOLUTELY. Canada is full of orientals, and you say ‘A’ after every sentence.
Canada is also famous for NOTHING!
In fact, Canada is only really known because it is next to the USA.
Becks WILL wander, and Posh has come to terms with the fact that her husband shags other women.
Posh is a DOG, and LA is FULL of PRETTIER women, with CHARM, and a REAL sense of humour.
Their marriage will only last a maximum of a further 5 years.
“A further 5 years”? I’m betting they won’t last 5 MONTHS!
This is such a ridiculously rude column. I’m by no means a fanatic in this Beckham frenzy, but your article is distasteful and tactless in every manner. In more simpler terms, you are such a freaken HATER. Get over yourself.
Well.. This marriage doesn’t have a good influence on her
http://www.beforeandaftermarriage.com/funny-pictures/victoria-beckham-before-after-marriage