To casual observers, Victoria Beckham might seem like a phenomenally humourless professional WAG trapped in a fame-grasping marriage with only her two rock-hard grapefruit-sized breast implants for company, but you'd be wrong.
Victoria Beckham, you see, is just a normal girl from London. We know this because Victoria Beckham said so. Victoria Beckham said that she was just a normal girl from London as part of the promotion for her forthcoming American TV special Victoria Beckham: Coming To America. You know the one, it started life as a full series but got edited down to a one-off special because Victoria Beckham couldn't stop doing normal London girl things, like take herself preposterously seriously and act in a strange stilted, desperate-for-fame way every time a camera was turned on her. You know, like normal girls from London do.
It won't be long before David and Victoria Beckham move to Los Angeles so that David Beckham can earn foolish amounts of money playing for LA Galaxy and, in his spare time, hang out with Tom Cruise a lot. All the groundwork for the David and Victoria Beckham LA move has been completed – they've told Michael Jackson that they don't want to buy Neverland, the waxworks have been erected and talk of Scientology has been temporarily muted – so now all that's left for them to do is to move in. Oh, and remind everyone in America who they are again, too.
Because here's the thing – hardly anyone knows who David and Victoria Beckham are in America, and even fewer care. That's why David Beckham is going to get his own TV show soon, and it's also why a one-off special about Victoria Beckham entitled Victoria Beckham: Coming To America – presumably a sly dig about the father of fellow Spice Girl Mel B's baby – is being broadcast next week. And as such, Victoria Beckham has been doing her best to endear herself to the American public by pretending that she isn't an out-of-touch, self-important nitwit. MSNBC reports:
Victoria Beckham insisted Monday that she's "just a normal girl from London" who happens to be "living quite a surreal life" with her soccer star husband David and their three young boys. "It's funny. People really get to see what I'm really like. I have quite a dry sense of humor, which I hope is going to translate to Americans… I'm incredibly blessed and I wanted to show that to everybody." Beckham called herself "a working mum" who is focused on developing her signature line of clothing, sunglasses and perfume. "That's my passion and that's what I'm good at," she said.
And there was us thinking that Victoria Beckham's passions were shouting at Spanish women and not getting pregnant. Still, despite Victoria Beckham's slightly deluded assertions that she's just a normal girl, Victoria Beckham: Coming To America looks like it'll be must-see TV. Sure, Victoria Beckham was initially offered a series until an NBC insider apparently called her a 'rude, boring bitch' and the footage was whittled down to an hour special, but face it – where else are you going to see Victoria Beckham being chased around by some pigs?
On the Spice Girls reunion tour, you say? That's no way to talk about Mel C and Geri Halliwell.
Read more:
Terryeo says
Select all that apply:
“Hardly anyone knows who David and Victoria Beckham are in America, and even fewer care.”
Beckham stars in “American TV special Victoria Beckham: Coming To America.”
“David Beckham plays for LA Galaxy”
The author recommends seeing Victoria Beckham: Coming To America.
The Beckhams spoke with Michael Jackson but won’t buy Neverland.
Euclid says
This just in…
Polling results have closed in America and SHE”S DONE IT!
Poshbits has been voted ‘Most Likely To Eat Her Own Young
If It Gains Her One More Nano-second of The Waning Spotlight’
Congrats! Cheers! Hats off!
(tough on the kids, though)