According to scripture, heaven is a wonderful place filled with butterflies, lollipops, and bulging suitcases stuffed with money. That's right – just you get your act together, drunkards!
And if you mix that basic concept of the afterlife with spaceships and expensive – but thorough – ghost cleansings, well that's a Sunday well spent. That's why Scientology's popularity is booming! Ol' Victoria Beckham doesn't care though. Nope, she wants nothing doin'. It seems Tom Cruise, a L. Ron Hubbard aficionado & rumoured mathematician, has been trying to Scientologically win over the Beckhams, but Vics ain't budging.
Posh's utter refusal to sign on probably has something to do with Cruise using the wrong pitch. He should emphasise the Sunday-school laser fights – because the laser fights, after all, are the whole reason we keep going. Still, we were promised them an awfully long time ago.
Ex-Spice Girls have it pretty rough these days, don't they? Scary's got a person wedged in her wahoo, while Sporty & Baby always have to act like they know Ginger in public. Oh, and Posh is stuck married to a millionaire country-hopper with a penchant for kicking – a millionaire country-hopper with a penchant for kicking who is reportedly feeling inclined to join that Tom Cruise church… what's it called again? Was it the church of the inner order of the sasquatch or something? Did it start with an P? No don't help us… the Quakers! That's it! Qs and Ps always blur in our mind.
Difficult church name to remember or not, Tom Cruise's sales pitch is less than convincing for Victoria Beckham. The rumour mill has it she has apprehensions about signing up – financial apprehensions. An insider put it best:
"Tom spoke to David for hours about Scientology. He feels it could help to lift him out of the blues over his football career. But Victoria is having none of it. She can’t see the point of joining something like that where you have to donate money."
The insider went on:
"You know what I really want? A Tiger."
That second quote was just weird. And fictional – but the first quote was the real deal! Posh wants nothing doing with Scientology other than the occasional fund raising spaghetti dinner & maybe one of those complimentary invisible space lassos. Those two things sound nice, don't they? Well too bad for you Scientology doesn't really have them – but we do! That's right, come down to the church of hecklerspray, where we don't make you read and you can make cheese during half time! Now, we don't have that churchy tax exempt status yet, but we don't actually pay taxes either – so eff yeah we're a church! The first 15 people to sign up get 20% more salvation free, but we'll still have to sire every single one of your children.
'Sire' means 'teach', right?
Read More:
Victoria Beckham won't pay to become a Scientologist! – Sawf News
greenboy says
Wait… Victoria Beckham making sense? DOES… NOT… COMPUTE!
Gilbert Wham says
Almost ANYONE will make sense if placed close enough to Tom Cruise.