If you're like us, you probably welcomed David and Victoria Beckham's move to Los Angeles as a welcome respite from seeing Victoria Beckham's ridiculous gaunt face looming out from all newspapers every single morning – but how wrong you were.
Not content with being married to a man who, at LA Galaxy, will earn around $300 billion every single nanosecond, Victoria Beckham is using the move to America to make herself even more unnecessarily famous than she already is. And it's worked as well – according to reports, a fly-on-the-wall reality series all about David and Victoria Beckham stumbling round their giant LA mansion trying to work out how their lightswitches work is going to be shown on NBC later this year. But don't you start feeling smug, non-Americans – you'll all have to put up with Victoria Beckham in the imminent Spice Girls reunion, too.
When it was announced that David and Victoria Beckham were shipping off to Los Angeles so that David Beckham could make millions of dollars playing basically what amounts to non-competitive football in the sun in front of tiny crowds, there were two main reactions. Non-Americans were all like "what a sell-out" and Americans were all like "David Who Now?" But slowly and surely, David and Victoria Beckham are making their impression on America.
They've done it by hanging out with Tom Cruise, they've done it by ignoring Scientology and – most importantly – they've done it with waxworks. David and Victoria Beckham are now so famous that Michael Jackson wants them to buy Neverland and Maddox Jolie wants David to teach him football. But that's just a drop in the ocean, because while David Beckham tries to design a new LA Galaxy kit with one yellow crayon, Victoria Beckham has just signed up for her own American reality TV show, as MTV reports:
Vic's manager Simon Fuller announced the news in London's Evening Standard newspaper. He said, "The Americans were falling over themselves to sign Victoria up for a TV show but we had to choose the right deal for her. NBC won out in the end as they have really taken a shine to Vic's hilarious sense of humour and they want to capitalise on this. She is a funny lady and this new series will show this to the world. It will really humanise her."
We've long been aware of Victoria Beckham's comedic skills – we've been laughing at her for years – so now it's the American's turn. Presumably this means that Victoria Beckham's other projects – like the fashion TV show and the Katie Holmes-starring movie of her life – have thankfully been dropped.
But if you think that avoiding Victoria Beckham's reality TV show will be easy, trying to miss the Spice Girls reunion is going to be a whole lot harder. The Spice Girls will definitely get back together in the near future – though probably not at the creepy Princess Diana concert this summer. All the Spice Girls – Perfumey, Dancey, Depressy, Shit Baby Namey and Eddie Murphy – are all raring to go, says Simon Fuller:
"All of the girls are up for it, and the reunion will definitely happen in the next 18 months. The only person showing any reluctance is Mel C. She thinks her solo career is bigger than the band, which is just not the case. Emma and Geri are meeting her soon to discuss everything and convince her to finally sign a deal."
So, just to recap, we'll soon be seeing Victoria Beckham in newspapers, on TV, in shops, on the radio again and – thanks to this article – on the internet. And because our Victoria Beckham intolerance is now so strong, we're going to have to avoid all of those mediums in the future. That's why, from now on, hecklerspray is going to exclusively cover all the latest news and gossip in the worlds of Punch And Judy, homemade flick-books and playing in the woods with a stick. And nothing else.