Posts tagged as:

Simon Cowell

X Factor Kitty Calls One Of The Risk Something Really Racist (‘Vote For Me’ Face)

by Mof Gimmers

The X Factor splits Britain into two camps. Those that despise it and those that don’t watch it. Those poor swine who don’t watch it can’t escape it. It’s everywhere, being rammed down your modem all the stinkin’ time. Anyway, here’s an article about the X Factor. AND IT CONTAINS RACISM! HURRAY! That’s right. The [...]

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X Factor Week 11 Review: The Khaki Horror Bitch Tableau

by Sophie Hall

Happy Halloween! Lots of love, The X Factor. And boy, what a massively inconvenient (or should we say SPOOKY) set of affairs the week offered up for Saturday Night’s show. These devastating (or should we say GHOULSOME!) happenings came in a threefold sequence throughout last week. 1. Kelly Rowland is for some reason angry and [...]

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Sinead O’Connor Doesn’t Like To See People Crying On X Factor, The Blubbing Hypocrite

by Matthew Laidlow

Back when times were pure and innocent, only a few select events took up room on our calendar; such as birthdays and the elusive annual leave. Now, more and more meaningless events are cluttering our calendars as television bullies its way into our lives, sits down on top of us and angrily demands that we [...]

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The X Factor Week 10 Review: A Million Rocks Songs Later And Here I Am

by Sophie Hall

So, what IS rock music? Well guys, “rock” was a musical movement invented by Simon Cowell in the mid-2000s. A genre that was ostensibly about dancing but was in fact a thinly-veiled allusion to sex culminating from 50s blues riffs and a 4/4 beat utilizing a verse chorus form. To further delve into this cultural [...]

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X Factor’s Craig Colton Is Sooooo Gay

by Robin Darke

It’s been a rather eventful for homosexuals this week. It’s been like a bad episode of Big Brother with people coming in and going out. Or like Frankie Cocozzo’s pee-pipe when he visits the GUM clinic. He’s probably had more pricks in there than George Michael has had hot cocks. Zachary Quinto, the World’s hairiest [...]

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X Factor Week 9 Review: You Can’t Hurry Love-Themed 2 Hour X Factor Programmes

by Sophie Hall

Hey guys. The X Factor’s still on. But that’s totally cool because the 100 Year War ran over a couple of decades too, and that was just as important, so not to worry. Those House of the Plantagenet dudes probably had issues connecting their own personal stresses in life to Lighthouse Family lyrics too. Oh, [...]

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Susan Boyle Wants To Touch Your Boyparts

by Robin Darke

Dear hecklersprayers, this article contains information that may ruin your appetite and could even inflict some serious mental damage, distrust of the female nether-parts up to and including the Predator’s face. Right, with that legal stuff out the way, it’s bad news for all straight men and gay women out there. Susan Boyle is on [...]

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Cher Lloyd Makes Instantly Forgettable But Inevitable No.1 Called ‘With Ur Love’

by Mof Gimmers

After ‘Swagger Jagger’ saw release, everyone with ears hooted in derision. Cher Lloyd was the latest in a long line of pop stars showcasing the fact that, we as a species, have finally run dry of melodies. However, against all the odds, flying in the face of decency, the track went to number one, making [...]

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X Factor Week 8 Review: American Weird Stuff in London

by Sophie Hall

Before we begin, we just want to say one thing. We’re sorry.  No, listen. WE’RE sorry. Remember how you watched The X Factor for 2 and a half hours on Saturday? Well we’re going to tell you about that in quite an unnecessary amount of detail now. And what’s more, you’re going to like it. [...]

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X Factor Week 7 Review, Part 2, 120 Days of Sodom

by Sophie Hall

Right, you lot – no messing about. We know that we all like to have a bit of ‘fun’ every now and then on here, and have a bit of a harmless chuckle at the expense of these poor hard-working musicians, but Sunday’s episode of the X Factor was the most emotionally draining and traumatic [...]

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