Who doesn't love the X-Factor? Oh that's right, people who listen to supposed ?real? music. They?re the types who?ll only listen to music made by those who play their own instruments, write songs without the word ?love? being mentioned and only release fifty copies of their album on limited edition cassette tapes.
For everyone else, Saturday nights on ITV are awash with yoghurt adverts, technical glitches and the occasional performance. This year, the judging panel line up has changed dramatically with only Irish demi-arse Louis Walsh remaining to continue to mentor the novelty act category.
The most surprising judge to break the dreams of overweight teenagers this year is Kelly Rowland. Prior to getting work in the UK, she was best-known for being one of Beyonce?s backing dancers in Destiny?s Child. We can't knock her for hitching a cheap way to the top. With the sole responsibility of mentoring the girls category in X-Factor, you'd think she'd have a clear focus. But no, it seems she's sex mad.
Frankly, it's about time that Kelly Rowland developed a bit of personality and became more than just the shouty American woman on X-Factor who seems a bit lost. After all, Gary Barlow is badly filling in as the pantomime villain whilst Simon Cowell wanders off across the pond to exploit an American singer to stardom. Elsewhere, Tulisa is filling in for whatever Cheryl Cole did. So what does Kelly have to say for herself?
?You can't keep me away from a good sex shop. Those are interesting places. I go with a bunch of people that way no one recognises me.?
Now some people would class an interesting place as somewhere that inspires them; a stunning piece of art in a gallery, carefully constructed architecture or just venturing out of their comfort zone to experience something new. But for Kelly Rowland, the sight of a PVC gimp suit with matching vibrator belt seems to do the trick.
However, Kelly only visits good sex shops, so what makes a bad one? Would it be if any dildos returned to the shop weren't disposed, but instead repackaged with the pubes removed and put back But if you're a star like Kelly Rowland, how do you visit filth shops. That's right, use a disguise and she supposedly did this the other night when Janet was evicted. It was reported she donned:
?An orange turban and huge sunglasses.?
Unless she managed to hide her boobs and female figure, any perverts in the sex shop would pounce on her like zombies and literally maul her to death, kind of like when Mufasa got destroyed by those wildebeest in The Lion King.