Articles tagged with: Simon Cowell
X Factor Returns On Saturday, Abandon All Hope Now
Just like Christmas, Easter, St George's Day and the mourning of our office hamster, X Factor has made its mark and become a regular calendar fixture. Entering series number six, the programme will once again whittle down a select few hopefuls from hundreds of thousands and give them the belief they’ll win an elusive record deal. And for the rejects? Well for a good five weeks ITV can boost its audience share by editing together programmes that contain utterly shoddy performers. Will there be tears? Burly council estate dads threatening the judges when their tubby daughter is rejected? Quite likely yes, but will there be Japanese monkeys wheeled in to work with the chosen few in bootcamp? We don’t really know, which is why we present our predictions for X Factor 2009.
Just like Christmas, Easter, St George's Day and the mourning of our office hamster, X Factor has made its mark and become a regular calendar fixture. Entering series number six, the programme will once again whittle down a select few hopefuls from hundreds of thousands and give them the belief they’ll win an elusive record deal. And for the rejects? Well for a good five weeks ITV can boost its audience share by editing together programmes that contain utterly shoddy performers. Will there be tears? Burly council estate dads threatening the judges when their tubby daughter is rejected? Quite likely yes, but will there be Japanese monkeys wheeled in to work with the chosen few in bootcamp? We don’t really know, which is why we present our predictions for X Factor 2009.
Paula Abdul: The Crashingly Inescapable American Idol Comeback
Paula Abdul's bad decisions have included singing with a cartoon cat, marrying Emilio Estevez and speaking in public. But quitting American Idol? That was her worst decision of all. And we don't say that lightly - this is a woman who deliberately got married to Emilio Estevez, for crying out loud. Anyway, it seems that the flurry of interest that swamped Paula Abdul's departure from American Idol has now crawled to a trickle, And Paula now reportedly wants her old job back. Phew, it's good that Simon Cowell is so famously compassionate, isn't it? This could have got pretty awkward otherwise.
Paula Abdul's bad decisions have included singing with a cartoon cat, marrying Emilio Estevez and speaking in public. But quitting American Idol? That was her worst decision of all. And we don't say that lightly - this is a woman who deliberately got married to Emilio Estevez, for crying out loud. Anyway, it seems that the flurry of interest that swamped Paula Abdul's departure from American Idol has now crawled to a trickle, And Paula now reportedly wants her old job back. Phew, it's good that Simon Cowell is so famously compassionate, isn't it? This could have got pretty awkward otherwise.
Paula Abdul: Just A Great Big Stupid Publicity Stunt?
You probably felt a surge of conflicting emotions when Paula Abdul revealed that she was leaving American Idol. First there was shock. Then incredulity. After all, American Idol had reportedly offered Paula Abdul $5 million a year to stay - who'd turn down a sum like that? And then came begrudging acceptance. After all, this is Paula Abdul we're talking about - a woman whose modus operandi seems to be 'how could I make the least possible amount of sense here?' So maybe Paula Abdul really is stupid enough to turn down that sort of money. Or maybe it's all a publicity stunt...
You probably felt a surge of conflicting emotions when Paula Abdul revealed that she was leaving American Idol. First there was shock. Then incredulity. After all, American Idol had reportedly offered Paula Abdul $5 million a year to stay - who'd turn down a sum like that? And then came begrudging acceptance. After all, this is Paula Abdul we're talking about - a woman whose modus operandi seems to be 'how could I make the least possible amount of sense here?' So maybe Paula Abdul really is stupid enough to turn down that sort of money. Or maybe it's all a publicity stunt...
America’s Got Talent: Simon Cowell Demands A Rematch
Tuesday night saw the re-auditioning of some of the season's losers, per the orders of Godfather Simon Cowell. Last week, America's Got Talent brought a couple hundred of its remaining acts to Las Vegas. More specifically, to a Las Vegas airport hangar. Upon their arrival David Hasselhoff appeared, dressed as a homosexual 18th Century plantation owner, to tell all of the best acts that the whole thing had been a con and they were going straight back home. The foolishness was halted by an unexpected phonecall from the ultimate boss, Simon Cowell, telling the moronic judges they had to reconsider their choices. So, who would be back in? Let's see...
Tuesday night saw the re-auditioning of some of the season's losers, per the orders of Godfather Simon Cowell. Last week, America's Got Talent brought a couple hundred of its remaining acts to Las Vegas. More specifically, to a Las Vegas airport hangar. Upon their arrival David Hasselhoff appeared, dressed as a homosexual 18th Century plantation owner, to tell all of the best acts that the whole thing had been a con and they were going straight back home. The foolishness was halted by an unexpected phonecall from the ultimate boss, Simon Cowell, telling the moronic judges they had to reconsider their choices. So, who would be back in? Let's see...
Paula Abdul Quits American Idol, Randy Now Officially Oddest Judge
That's it. American Idol has lost its heart. Well, maybe not its heart - more like its atrophied cerebellum. Anyway, look, Paula Abdul has left American Idol. That was our point. And Paula Abdul's American Idol departure is a shock - for all the threats and posturing from her management recently, we were certain that Paula was just angling for a bigger salary. But no - first Paula Abdul Twittered her resignation and then Fox confirmed it. We can't overstate what a loss this is. Without Paula Abdul around, the American Idol contestants will now be forced to sleep with each other. Disappointing.
That's it. American Idol has lost its heart. Well, maybe not its heart - more like its atrophied cerebellum. Anyway, look, Paula Abdul has left American Idol. That was our point. And Paula Abdul's American Idol departure is a shock - for all the threats and posturing from her management recently, we were certain that Paula was just angling for a bigger salary. But no - first Paula Abdul Twittered her resignation and then Fox confirmed it. We can't overstate what a loss this is. Without Paula Abdul around, the American Idol contestants will now be forced to sleep with each other. Disappointing.
American Idol: Simon Cowell Falls For Paula Abdul’s Self-Pity
Yesterday we said that Paula Abdul was probably going to leave American Idol. And she really was, too. She was going to leave. It wasn't just a dimwitted bluff to make American Idol pay her more money. Paula Abdul was definitely leaving American Idol. Unless the show decided to pay her a lot more money, in which case she'd consider staying. But it's not about money. Its about being treated with a basic level of human decency. And money. It's mostly about money. Anyway, Simon Cowell has revealed that he wants Paula Abdul to stay. That was probably our point.
Yesterday we said that Paula Abdul was probably going to leave American Idol. And she really was, too. She was going to leave. It wasn't just a dimwitted bluff to make American Idol pay her more money. Paula Abdul was definitely leaving American Idol. Unless the show decided to pay her a lot more money, in which case she'd consider staying. But it's not about money. Its about being treated with a basic level of human decency. And money. It's mostly about money. Anyway, Simon Cowell has revealed that he wants Paula Abdul to stay. That was probably our point.
Paula Abdul To Strop Off American Idol In A Boggle-Eyed Huff
As far as American Idol goes, Simon is the brain, Randy is the mouth and Kara is like the appendix or something. And then there's Paula Abdul. Paula Abdul is American Idol's beating heart. Admittedly it's a slightly terrifying heart that seems to be drunk a lot of the time and often shrieks to itself for no particular reason, but it's still a heart. What would American Idol be like without Paula Abdul? It'd be professional and consistent. And rubbish. But we'll see that next year, because Paula Abdul is about to quit American Idol in a pay dispute.
As far as American Idol goes, Simon is the brain, Randy is the mouth and Kara is like the appendix or something. And then there's Paula Abdul. Paula Abdul is American Idol's beating heart. Admittedly it's a slightly terrifying heart that seems to be drunk a lot of the time and often shrieks to itself for no particular reason, but it's still a heart. What would American Idol be like without Paula Abdul? It'd be professional and consistent. And rubbish. But we'll see that next year, because Paula Abdul is about to quit American Idol in a pay dispute.
Susan Boyle Set To Bother You On X Factor
We dreamed a dream once. It involved us being dipped in Belgian chocolate and then being placed in the middle of a field full of cows and sheep. Don’t ask us what happened next, but suffice to say we don’t see those animals in the same way we once did. They're not as cuddly and cute as the books make out. Someone else who is all about dreams is Scottish mentalist Susan Boyle. While we don’t really want to know what goes on inside her head, she has sung I Dreamed A Dream a few times. Granted, it’s only been twice but the entire population of the world will have seen it now. Dermot O'Leary wants to pimp her out on X Factor. Hopefully she’ll sing another song. In the style of Slipknot. She probably won't.
We dreamed a dream once. It involved us being dipped in Belgian chocolate and then being placed in the middle of a field full of cows and sheep. Don’t ask us what happened next, but suffice to say we don’t see those animals in the same way we once did. They're not as cuddly and cute as the books make out. Someone else who is all about dreams is Scottish mentalist Susan Boyle. While we don’t really want to know what goes on inside her head, she has sung I Dreamed A Dream a few times. Granted, it’s only been twice but the entire population of the world will have seen it now. Dermot O'Leary wants to pimp her out on X Factor. Hopefully she’ll sing another song. In the style of Slipknot. She probably won't.
