Posts tagged as:

Simon Cowell

X Factor Week 7, Part 1 – The One With All The Postmodernism At The Judges Houses

by Sophie Hall

Good weekend, was it? Had some enjoyable sandwich fillings and simulated some erogenous zones, did you? Yeah. Yeah. Us neither. Never mind, because The X Factor was on too, and if that wasn’t amazing enough it was a 2 hour special Judges Houses special as part of a special exclusive double X Factor weekend special. [...]

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X Factor Week 6 Review, Part 2 – THE OTHER BIT OF BOOT CAMP WHICH STILL MEANS THE ABSOLUTE WORLD TO US

by Sophie Hall

Are you prepared to embark on the second half of a VERY BIG DEAL? Yeah? A very very big deal, in the manner of Back to the Future 2, or when they let Leslie Grantham back on television for a while? Alright, fair enough. Nobody had time to prepare for that. This was the second [...]

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X Factor Week 6 Review, Part 1: BOOT CAMP! THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO US!

by Sophie Hall

God, it’s been an exciting week, hasn’t it? All that meth and all those Curly Wurlys you’ve been eating. Your excitement has literally burnt through your eyes so you can fully necessitate new levels of awesome and amazingness and degenerative myopia. Now to top it all off, it’s Boot Camp on the X Factor. It’s [...]

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Cher Lloyd Wishes Tulisa Had Mentored Her Instead Of Cheryl Cole Who She Hates

by Matthew Laidlow

The hype that surrounds X Factor 2011 is starting to finally quieten down. Unless you live Stateside, in which case, we apologise. We’ve endured the taunts and teases about which judges would step in for Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole, Kylie Minogue’s sister. Louis Walsh’s alleged nightclub incident could’ve seen him judging from the cells. The [...]

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X Factor Week 5 Review, Part 2 – It’s The End Of The Auditioning Stages As We Know It

by Sophie Hall

On Sunday, we witnessed what came to be the last programme documenting the audition process of the underrated, revolutionary post-feminist Space Opera series “The X Factor 2011″. Hear that over there? That’s Ewan Mcgregor singing Your Song in a melancholic manner with an umbrella. See that over in the other direction? That’s your inescapable loneliness. But [...]

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Susan Boyle Does Depeche Mode Cover, Which Will Irritate You No Doubt

by Mof Gimmers

Remember when we all laughed at Susan Boyle because she had a funny face? Then she started singing and everyone said in unison; ‘Wow, you can have a funny face AND sing! Who knew?!’ Remember? Then, when the initial shock of Boyle’s voice ebbed away, everyone went back to pointing and laughing at her. Remember [...]

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Harry From One Direction Attacked By A Cake In G-A-Y [Video]

by Mof Gimmers

So let us get this right: It’s disgusting and pervy for a fully grown adult woman to fancy Justin Bieber, but it’s totally okay to lust after the march team of amniotic gyrators from One Direction? Just trying to understand the psych of you monstrous men and women out there. Anyway, womby fancy-piece, Harry Styles [...]

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X Factor Review Week 5: The Return of the X Factor Double Bill Part 1

by Sophie Hall

Welcome back to another double bill (Yes, ANOTHER DOUBLE BILL. That’s twice the amount of normal, regulated X Factor, twice in a row. Write it out in a graph, if that helps. You may as well. You don’t have any friends anymore, anyway) of The X Factor NEXT GENERATION. As always, we were presented with [...]

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Cheryl Cole Blows Up Simon Cowell With A Massive Bomb Given To Her By The Army

by Mof Gimmers

Have you ever looked at Simon Cowell and thought to yourself; ‘I’d like to get a load of plastic explosives and blow him and his botoxed face off the face of the Earth, just for giggles’? Well, that’s exactly what Cheryl Cole did yesterday. Remarkably, she did it with the help of the British Army. [...]

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X Factor Review, Week 4: The Deathly Hallows Part 1

by Sophie Hall

So, ITV1 have given all their money away to wife beaters and rapists. This is the new way. As such, this essentially means you have to watch X Factor twice, because they can’t afford to make any new TV programmes. Thank god Kelly Rowland agreed to work overtime due to how much she believes in [...]

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