Posts tagged as:

Sexy

Beyonce Bans Christmas TV, On The Off-Chance She’ll See One Of Destiny’s Child’s Awful Songs

by Mof Gimmers

Beyonce is looking forward to packing away that collapsing stomach she bought while she waits for the stork to bring her newborn into the world. We can only hope she goes a bit Jermaine Jackson and gives it a ludicrous name. And of course, it is Christmas which will see Beyonce and Jay Z having [...]

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We All Know Beyonce Is Having A Baby Girl Thanks To Claptrap Kelly Rowland

by Mof Gimmers

Celebrities like to keep secrets from the general public because, where there’s a secret, there’s money to be made. Anticipation can be turned into coins and coins are where it’s all in famousville! However, there’s always some big mouth to spoil your plans. And in the case of Beyonce and her pregnancy, Auntie Kelly Rowland [...]

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Hecklerspray’s Top 10 Most Underwhelming “Sexy” Hallowe’en Costumes

by Michael Park

When we make lists, they’re usually pretty easy to do. You just take your own opinion of something, prioritise it and throw it in an article without giving the consequences much thought. As such, we still have people arguing the toss (pun intended) over our ‘Top’ Sci-Fi babes & newscasters. Of course, some lists aren’t [...]

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Beyonce Looks Really, Really, Really Amazing In Countdown Video. Really Amazing.

by Mof Gimmers

Have you seen the new video that Beyonce has made? She’s got a new record out called Countdown which is a little off-kilter. It might be rubbish, it might be great… we’ll have to let it bed in or something first. But that doesn’t matter. This is about her new video. Cor. Her new, splendid, [...]

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Katy Perry Gets Her Breasts Out On SNL And Somehow Gets Simpsons Gig

by Mof Gimmers

Katy Perry can’t dodge controversy at the moment can she? When she’s not watching her spindly husband half-heartedly attacking photographers, she’s trying to give Elmo from Sesame Street and erection. Yes indeed, Perry has caused a bit of fuss after showing the top bit of her boobs on a children’s show, prompting most people in [...]

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Katy Perry Deemed Too Sexual For Sesame Street (And Not Camp Enough For Snuffleupagus)

by Mof Gimmers

While everyone fawns over Yo! Gabba Gabba! for mixing pop-culture with education, Sesame Street continues to do what it always did – mix pop culture and education. Basically, Sesame Street is one of the finest things that TV ever aired and only a stone-hearted, joyless mule-headed git would suggest otherwise. REM, Smokey Robinson, LL Cool [...]

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Top 28 Sexy Indie Music Babes

by David Schwartz

Why do indie babes rock our world so much?

There really is something special about a girl with a guitar who can knock out a song you would actually not be ashamed to own on your iPod. But, why? Is it because, unlike their Hollywood counterparts, they actually have some kind of talent? Or is it because, unlike their Hollywood counterparts, they remind you of the smart girl at school who suddenly became really hot in later years?

Or could it be because, unlike their Hollywood counterparts, they are the kind of girls you might possibly, possibly, possibly have a chance with? That is, of course, if record sales are down and you are the only straight guy who actually goes backstage to tell them how much you like their music.

Now, we know what you are thinking – and we agree. The concept of an ‘indie’ music genre has become so blurred nowadays it’s become almost obsolete. But we needed an easy tag to stick all these sexy girls under – and this one seemed the most appropriate. It could equally be called ‘The 28 Sexiest Women Who Can Knock Out A Tune [Usually Involving A Guitar] That we Would Not Be Ashamed To Have On Our iPods’, but we thought it might be too long.

Besides, to show the age of some of our writers, we have even included some artists who were even around at a time when ‘indie music’ actually meant something.

As always, not that you need any encouragement you miserable bastards, please tell us your suggestions.

Why do indie babes rock our world so much? There really is something special about a girl with a guitar who can knock out a song you would actually not be ashamed to own on your iPod. But, why? Is it because, unlike their Hollywood counterparts, they actually have some kind of talent? Or is it because, unlike their Hollywood counterparts, they remind you of the smart girl at school who suddenly became really hot in later years? Or could it be because, unlike their Hollywood counterparts, they are the kind of girls you might possibly, possibly, possibly have a chance with? That is, of course, if record sales are down and you are the only straight guy who actually goes backstage to tell them how much you like their music. Now, we know what you are thinking - and we agree. The concept of an 'indie' music genre has become so blurred nowadays it's become almost obsolete. But we needed an easy tag to stick all these sexy girls under – and this one seemed the most appropriate. It could equally be called 'The 28 Sexiest Women Who Can Knock Out A Tune [Usually Involving A Guitar] That we Would Not Be Ashamed To Have On Our iPods', but we thought it might be too long. Besides, to show the age of some of our writers, we have even included some artists who were even around at a time when 'indie music' actually meant something. As always, not that you need any encouragement you miserable bastards, please tell us your suggestions.
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Hugh Jackman Sexier Than Us, Lies People Magazine

by Stuart Heritage

Hugh Jackman. Just the name alone is enough to make women scratch their heads, check IMDb, realise who he is and go weak at the knees.

It must be true, because Hugh Jackman has just been named as People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. We know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “But wasn’t Matt Damon named the sexiest man alive by People magazine last year?” And the answer is yes. Yes he was. But following Matt Damon’s tragic death before the release of The Dark Knight this year, it’s time to pick a new Sexiest Man Alive. And that man is Hugh Jac… wait, we were thinking of Heath Ledger weren’t we. Whoops.

Anyway, why is Hugh Jackman People’s Sexiest Man Alive? Because he’s got a film out, that’s why. Any other reasons? Probably not, no.

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Halle Berry Is Sexy; Also, Pope Possibly Catholic Now

by Stuart Heritage

That Halle Berry, eh? She’s a funny looking woman – we once saw a picture of Halle Berry in a magazine and we went right off our tea.

And yet, despite obviously looking like a sort of cross between the back end of a bus and a bulldog’s floppy genitals, Esquire magazine has decided to name Halle Berry as its Sexiest Woman Alive. Which is just weird because, you know, Halle Berry. Bleurgh. No, wait, we got mixed up – we were thinking of former EastEnders and Heartbeat star Nick Berry. He’s not actually very sexy at all. But Halle Berry is actually sort of pretty.

Anyway, we could be wrong, but in the accompanying interview it seems like Halle Berry equates sexiness with masturbating a lot. There’s hope for us yet!

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Megan Fox Announces Lesbian Stripper Love, All Teenage Boys Explode

by Stuart Heritage

As a terrifying sex cyborg sent back from the future to destroy mankind, Megan Fox knows exactly how much self-abuse she’s responsible for.

But even though she’s easily caused enough teenage ejaculations to power a rocket trip to the moon, Megan Fox knows that her work is still not done. And that’s why Megan Fox has told GQ magazine that she once had a sizzling lesbian relationship with a female stripper from Russia called Nikita.

We can’t congratulate Megan Fox enough for telling us this. Honestly, with the world’s financial markets in meltdown and the worst recession for a century looming over us all, Megan Fox implying that she might have once rubbed her clodge against a stripper’s clodge has single-handedly resuscitated the ailing tissue industry. Megan, we salute you.

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