Leave it! Two two’s naaah! Tulisa Contostavlos is fleeing the UK to hide away in the US after being repeatedly mocked over her sex tape with MC Ultra. Mainly because she doesn’t appear to be very good at giving gobbles.
The X Factor judge is planning to escape by heading to Miami to visit Terius Nash (or, The-Dream to you) who clearly doesn’t have the clout to be sarcastic about her sex tape and indeed, mustn’t have an internet connection like the rest of America.
So what’s The Female Boss (Female Nosh more like) saying about it all?
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Hey! You know how absolutely EVERYBODY knew that Tulisa was the star of that sex tape? Well guess what? She’s gone and done a video confession.
In fact, her video confession looks like the kind of thing you see on the news when a hostage is pleading for their life… but we digress.
Anyway, if you click over the jump, you can watch her talking about it. Sadly, an engorged member doesn’t hit her on the forehead throughout this one.
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We’ve all seen the ALLEGED Tulisa sextape by now, haven’t we? If you have she’s ALLEGEDLY not very good at blow-jobs. And she ALLEGEDLY likes hitting herself on her ALLEGED forehead with a penis.
Anyway, it’s all gone a bit mental and injunctions have been taken out, Dappy has said it was definitely her in the video and that it was bandmate Fazer who had his widger on show.
So what does Fazer have to say about it? Well, in a baffling missive, Fazer has vented on twitter in such a manner that he may well have been typing with his cockie.
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If you watched Channel 4’s titillating documentary, “My Phone Sex Secrets,” then somewhere, in the back of your mind will undoubtedly be the notion that maybe you could breathe heavily down a phone at some random wanking pervert whilst being paid by the minute.
Well that’s what ex Everton goalkeeper Neville Southall thought, as he’s opened up his own premium rate phone line, there’ll probably be marginally less wanking but, given Neville’s rather robust frame, there is sure to be a lot of heavy breathing.
Curious fans or a very niche subset of the pervert community can now log on to asknevillesouthall.com and pay to receive either an email, costing £49, or a one hour long call from the great man, for a recession busting £99.
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So, Tulisa has a sex tape does she? Of course, lawyers are saying it isn’t her (although the video contains someone with the exact same DNA as the X Factor judge, it seems) and everyone is hastily taking down stills from the video.
That’d be the video which has Tulisa’s dead-ringer sucking what appears to be (actually is) an engorged male member. Apparently, the phallus whacks her on the forehead at one point, which is always nice.
But of course, legally speaking, it isn’t her… despite what Dappy – her bandmate and cousin – said on twitter, dropping her right in it. Just think of that. Watching your cousin’s sex tape. How very, very tasteful.
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Followers of pro-wrestling are invariably still washing their brains with industrial bleach after seeing the skinny-flick of Chyna and her very large nubbin being taken on in the ring by fellow grappler X-Pac.
Of all the celebrity sex-tapes, it really is up their in the harrowing league with Gene Simmons and Screech Powers.
Not that this is stopping our Chyna. She’s decided to make a career out of nudity and, having appeared in Playboy a couple of times, she’s now making a porno which is based on the Royal Rumble and features a Hulk Hogan lookalike with his lad out, ready for some Spunkamania. And yes, we’ve lost our lunch three times already, just thinking about it.
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The internet can be a dark and cruel place full of cyber bullies hiding behind anonymous usernames and bastards like us, who are rewarded by the mainstream media for having blogs dedicated to slagging off celebrities.
Ha!
In fact, the internet is such a vile cesspool of hate that the stars have come out and whinged about how they’re being made fun of too much and it hurts their feelings and that people should care about their pointless little lives and treat them as humans and not the dancing monkeys they actually are.
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Premieres for big blockbusters usually take place in cinemas with names like ODEON, CINEWORLD, GRAUMAN’S or BOGNOR REGIS CINEMASCOPE but it seems that the makers of Paranormal Activity are positively itching to associate their horrifying, overdone claptrap with Channel 5′s flagship horrifying, overdone claptrap.
And, as such, the premiere of Paranormal Activity III took place in front of a star-studded audience inside the Big Brother compound proving once and for all that crossover episodes are never as realistic as you hope.
It had been expected that Channel 5 would take the opportunity of having a scary film playing in the compound to systematically murder all of the housemates and celebrities who were assembled inside and the world (100 people whose remotes were broken) watched on with bated breath, waiting for the axe-murderer to be released into the house.
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