Farrah Abraham has decided to do a 180 on her feelings about her terrible sex tape and her life choices in general. She suddenly regrets showing her poop shoot on camera for some Benjamins, and claims it ruined her life.
Now before you start preparing for the apocalypse, no Farrah is not finally growing brain cells in that plastic little head of hers. It’s much more likely that homegirl’s bank accounts were looking a little low and she needed some more interview money from 3rd rate tabloids.
Get yo money girl.
There is basically a lose-lose competition going on about which 16 and Pregnant child is going to rack up the most in therapy bills. So far, it’s pretty neck and neck between Jenelle Evan’s son and Farrah Abraham’s daughter, Sophia. Either way, both kids are royally fucked.
Farrah has made a boatload of terrible decisions in her life, starting of course with deciding to buy lip gloss instead of condoms and letting her teenage ass get impregnated by her boyfriend. Since then, it’s just been fuck up after fuck up. Multiple seasons of reality tv showing everyone how stupid she was, terrible plastic surgery, telling everyone she thought Trayvon Martin was her girl friend. Culminating, of course, with her absolutely nap inducing sex tape with James Deen.
After the sex tape came out, Abraham was all “Oh em gee! That was a private tape I just happened to shoot with a popular male porn star, in full hair and makeup, but not something I wanted everyone to see!” Except that was a total lie, and without really any fight, Farrah sold the tape for what she claims was almost a million bucks. She then went on a total whore tour, promoting the crap outta the video. She even let her gaping wide vagina get molded and rubberized to be sold to all the creepy overweight 50 year old men living in their mother’s basement who would want to pretend they were sleeping with her.
When people brought up how much Farrah was just screwing up Sophia even further by being a skank on camera, she said she was proud of her movie and her “business ventures.” Anytime she had a chance, Abraham shook her ass and let her ho flag fly proudly.
But now that people have started not caring about her anymore again, instead of just letting our world become a better place again, Farrah decided she needed to do something to get her name written about again. So now here we are, listening to Pinocchio cry about how much she regrets letting the world see her labia.
“It made it hard to have friends and a private life and to trust family, who I feel use me for money. If I went back in time, I would not have done it. The sex tape ruined my life.”
Um, yea. No fucking duh it was a terrible idea. As if going on MTV for 4 years and letting everyone see your ugly cry face wasn’t damaging to your private life enough, you let yourself get banged out on camera. I mean, we all knew about 2 episodes into 16 and Pregnant that you weren’t going to be accepted into Mensa anytime soon, but damn girl.
Farrah is also claiming that the therapy she received by lying her way onto Couples Therapy has been super helpful. She has learned she is worth more than her silicone titties and Sally’s purchase hair extensions. Or, more likely, she has learned that her milkshake did not bring many boys to the yard, and money and fame are drugs she cannot quit just yet.
“Therapy helped me understand I can’t continue experiencing life [the way I had been], that I’m more special than sex tapes. Hearing others tell me my worth is [all based on] my body. I’m stronger than that.”
It’s too bad therapy didn’t teach Abraham that lying is terrible. Maybe that’s what they will work on when she does her inevitable trip to “rehab” in a few month when rent money gets tight.