Posts tagged as:

Scientology

Lisa Marie Presley Moves To England, England Maybe Sinks A Little

by Shawn Lindseth

America – you had your chance. Had you more respect for the Presley name, had you not referred to her poor father as ‘Fat Elvis’ every three seconds, and perhaps if you hadn’t completely snubbed every single one of her musical attempts, Lisa Marie may have been content to stay within your borders forever. But [...]

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Ultimo Didn’t Take The Peaches Geldof Heroin Allegations Too Well

by Amy Grindhouse

Peaches Geldof, the face of a well-known brand of underwear, got caught up in a nude pictures/ heroin/ cult scandal. You know, same old same old. We were pretty sure it would all blow over in a second or two. Oops, guess we were wrong. Big corporations do have a bothersome tendency to get all [...]

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Katie Holmes’ Womb Possibly Forced to Harbour a Baby Scientologist

by Amy Grindhouse

Katie Holmes’ womb is marginally more famous than she, so let’s examine it for a moment.

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Paul Haggis Throws His Dummy Out Of Scientology’s Pram

by Stuart Heritage

Paul Haggis isn’t just the bald film director responsible for writing the worst James Bond film ever, you know.

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Is Peaches Geldof Set to Become a Glassy-Eyed Scientologist?

by Amy Grindhouse

Peaches and Cream Geldof is looking a likely suspect to be the latest in an unfathomably long line of celebrities who are becoming Scientologists. The 20-year-old, um, well whatever it is she does, has been spotted hanging out, in the Hollywood Scientology Celebrity centre. The delicious Peaches took two seconds from licking her own arm [...]

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Bart Simpson Now Pimping Out Scientology

by Stuart Heritage

For those of you who worry that it’s not as funny as it used to be, relax – The Simpsons has just got hilarious.

Bart Simpson has started actively promoting Scientology! Genius! If that’s not up there with Cape Feare and “If it isn’t my old friend Mr McGregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg” then we’ll be buggered. Bart Simpson? Urging people by phone to attend Scientology events? LOL!!

Hang on, that isn’t Bart Simpson? That’s Nancy Cartwright using Bart Simpson’s voice as a geniune, real-life Scientology promotional tool? Why, that’s considerably less funny.

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Katie Holmes Finally Gets All Those Protests She Was Promised

by Stuart Heritage

Anticipation was high for Katie Holmes’ Broadway debut last night – it means that Maggie Gyllenhaal will soon take her role and everyone’ll like the play better.

However, Katie Holmes must have also been fairly excited ahead of her debut in All My Sons – not only would it teach her critics once and for all that she was an actress to contend with, but it’d also give her plenty of chances to blink out ‘HELP ME HELP ME HE KEEPS ME LOCKED IN A CAGE HELP ME’ in Morse code to a room of understanding strangers every night.

But, of course, Katie Holmes’ Broadway debut was also exciting for the members of anti-Scientology group Anonymous, who decided to bring down Scientology once and for all by getting about 20 people to stand outside the theatre holding some signs in a sort of semi-apologetic way. Yeah, take that, Scientology.

Anticipation was high for Katie Holmes' Broadway debut last night - it means that Maggie Gyllenhaal will soon take her role and everyone'll like the play better. However, Katie Holmes must have also been fairly excited ahead of her debut in All My Sons - not only would it teach her critics once and for all that she was an actress to contend with, but it'd also give her plenty of chances to blink out 'HELP ME HELP ME HE KEEPS ME LOCKED IN A CAGE HELP ME' in Morse code to a room of understanding strangers every night. But, of course, Katie Holmes' Broadway debut was also exciting for the members of anti-Scientology group Anonymous, who decided to bring down Scientology once and for all by getting about 20 people to stand outside the theatre holding some signs in a sort of semi-apologetic way. Yeah, take that, Scientology.
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Katie Holmes Runs Away From Tom Cruise, Maybe…While Screaming…Possibly

by Ian Dransfield

Run, Katie Holmes! Run as if Dawson’s massive forehead were behind you! You’re so close to freedom! For the first time in what seems like an ice age, Katie has escaped the clutches of everybody’s favourite evil Nazi, Tom Cruise. Scampering away to New York City with daughter Suri in tow, Holmes was free to [...]

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Tom Cruise in $250 Million “is he a Scientology-Mafia Right Hand Man?” Case

by Ian Dransfield

Well, file this one under ‘how the hell did we miss that, even though it broke about a day ago?!’ See, you traipse the internet, you look through all of your sources, talk to people and even read things and yet – we still miss things sometimes. Big things. Things that were basically stories handcrafted [...]

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Nicole Kidman’s Hatred Of Scientology Inspired Stupid Baby Name, Source

by Stuart Heritage

Now that Nicole Kidman has finally achieved her life’s goal and given birth to a baby, we can all concentrate on why she gave it such a crappy name.

And actually it seems like there’s quite a simple answer – Nicole Kidman decided to name her new daughter Sunday Rose because she really, really hates Scientology. Apparently.

You see, Nicole Kidman is a Catholic and Sundays are important to Catholics, but not important to Scientologists, and she used to be a Scientologist, so she called the baby Sunday as a sort of painfully oblique jab at Scientology. See?

Insulted, Tom Cruise has vowed to even the score by naming his next child after something that’s important to Scientology, meaning that in a few years we can all say hello to little Unnecessarily Litigious Cruise or Unsettling Public Image Cruise.

Now that Nicole Kidman has finally achieved her life's goal and given birth to a baby, we can all concentrate on why she gave it such a crappy name. And actually it seems like there's quite a simple answer - Nicole Kidman decided to name her new daughter Sunday Rose because she really, really hates Scientology. Apparently. You see, Nicole Kidman is a Catholic and Sundays are important to Catholics, but not important to Scientologists, and she used to be a Scientologist, so she called the baby Sunday as a sort of painfully oblique jab at Scientology. See? Insulted, Tom Cruise has vowed to even the score by naming his next child after something that's important to Scientology, meaning that in a few years we can all say hello to little Unnecessarily Litigious Cruise or Unsettling Public Image Cruise.
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