What do we know about Kirstie Alley? Well, we know that her weight wildly fluctuates from ‘quite thin’ to ‘Type 2 Diabetes’. We also know that she was in Cheers. Oh, and she’s a weirdo Scientologist who believes in aliens and that. She’s an ‘Operating Thetan, Level 7’, whatever the shit that means.
Now, the latest thing we need to know about her that, in the past, she’s demanded 2 hours of sex from her boyfriends. Just picture that in your mind’s eye. Think of her bearing down on your naked self, cackling like a wheezing horse with those rolling, glassy eyes.
Lovely.
Kirstie says:
“I really hadn’t had a boyfriend for the last ten years – a serious boyfriend. It was the best ten years of my life. I had a lot of freedom.
“The way I used to pick guys was so shallow. Hot? OK, that’ll be my husband.
“Here’s my big revelation. I decided that in the best of times you have two hours of sex a day, so you have 22 hours left.”
Now, some of you may be thinking that two hours of rumping and pumping isn’t all that much. But consider for a moment, someone like Kirstie Alley DEMANDING you have two hours of sex per day, regardless of whether you’re ill, working, tired or repulsed by the sight of a naked Kirstie Alley.
Alley was talking to Ellen DeGeneres on her blasted show, who interrupted her, saying:
“Whoa, what? Two hours a day?”
Alley, currently cantering around the floor of America’s Dancing With The Stars, replied:
“Not enough? “There’s the prelude, the sex and there’s the winding down.”
Winding down, in this case, probably means wringing the sheets out of Kirstie’s beef smelling sweat.
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Dave says
Word on the street is that you can get “lost” in there.
Another thing,she gone from being able to snag A list celebs for her trysts to film extras and gofers. Also been told her victims eventually don’t return her calls or destroy their cellphones, there is one unconfirmed case of an attempted suicide.
It’s common knowledge that her nightstand drawer is filled with ectasy and viagra.
Dear God says
I’m fucking suing Heckler….the visual image that they have expressed has just caused my own sex drive to become nonexistent and the horror and revulsion and nausea that I’m now feeling will be with me for a long time. I demand enough money to quit my useless job, become a Heckler writer, and do this to others so I’m not alone. Dickweeds.