Katie ‘towers over her mental husband’ Holmes does not take drugs. Okay? Can we just get that clear in our tiny little minds? She’s definitely not a drug addict. Absolutely, positively not a druggy mess.
Okay?
See, that’s the official line after Holmes settled a defamation claim with a US celebrity magazine over an article that FALSELY suggested she was a drug addict. However, because we’re sarcastic, every time we say “KATIE HOMES IS NOT A DRUG ADDICT, OKAY?”, it makes her sound exactly like a drug addict. We can’t do much about that though. We’re cursed with a sarcastic tone of voice. Sorry.
Holmes sued Star magazine for $50m (?29.9m) last month over a January edition bearing the headline “Addiction Nightmare – Katie Drug Shocker”.
The magazine will now publish a very tiny, barely readable apology in an upcoming issue, after they’ve finished counting their money gained for revenue generated from saying that Mrs Cruise is a stinkin’ buck of narcotics.
Showing that us celebrity leeches are actually very nice people, the Star said they would make “substantial donation” to charity as part of the private settlement.
In its apology, Star said:
“[We] did not intend to suggest Katie Holmes was a drug addict or was undergoing treatment for a drug addiction”.
“Star apologises to Ms Holmes for any misperception and will be making a substantial donation to charity on Ms Holmes’ behalf for any harm that we may have caused.”
Katie Holmes showed just how interesting she’s become after shacking up with Scientology nutter, Tom Cruise, by saying:
“With this dispute out of the way, I look forward to once again focusing my attention on my family and career.”
Not so much on the latter though, eh?
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