by Shawn Lindseth
Hecklerspray was raised in a very stern Jewish home for three months as a child. But then our mother got dumped by her Hasidic rabbi boyfriend and we found ourself at our Uncle’s house, where apparently the only thing even faintly religious was Sunday morning Baywatch reruns. That was fine until we’d seen them all. Twice.
Then our mother started dating a midget that swore up and down he was the lower half of L. Ron Hubbard, and that the Scientology founder had never been anything more than he and his twin brother strolling around stacked under a trench coat twice their size. He radiated alien germs off us at a thirty percent discount, which we thought was really pretty good of him. Thanks for that, Almonzo.
That experience really helps us relate to Will Smith’s current dilemma. He’s not a Scientologist, but he loves them dearly, the way we love L Ron Hubbard’s bottom half dearly.
Hang on while we find a way to reword that last bit
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by C J Davies
Not everyone, it seems, shared hecklerspray’s reaction to the recent Tom Cruise Scientology video (which happened to be a mixture of hilarity and genuine fear, particularly when he burst into the sort of laughter you’d expect from a Lord Of The Rings baddie. Or maybe Xenu himself).
A lot of Hollywood-types are getting mightily annoyed that the media has been poking fun at a pompous, overpaid millionaire with Christ-like delusions of grandeur and eyes so scary they should have their own Japanese horror franchise. Major US magazine People has rounded up a bunch of celebrities who want to let the whole world – or just soccer moms thumbing through a copy at the checkout – just how goshdarn annoyed they are.
Among those branding this charade a ‘sickening backlash’ are Adam Sandler, Dustin Hoffman, Ben Stiller, Bruce Willis, Jim Carrey and Demi Moore. We’re sure Katie Holmes would love to have chipped in too, but apparently she was too busy being shipped off to Hubbard Camp for yet more re-education.
Sorry. We meant to say shopping. She was busy shopping.
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