Stop the press and hold the phone - a set of naked Audrina Patridge pictures has hit the internet in a big way.

You know, Audrina Patridge. Come on, you must know who Audrina Patridge is. Audrina Patridge from The Hills. The Hills. Audrina Patridge from the MTV reality TV show The Hills. It's a spin-off from Laguna Beach. Laguna Beach. Anyone? 

Look, alright, we don't know who Audrina Patridge is either, and we get the feeling that we'd rather hurl ourselves down a well than actually ever watch an episode of The Hills. But, hey, naked Audrina Patridge pictures! Let's go!

It's been a hard month, knowing that Jennifer Lopez gave birth to twins but not being able to see what they look like.

Chances are your minds have spent the last few weeks racing with worries about Jennifer Lopez's twins - do they have their mother's eyes? Do they have the right amount of fingers? Is one of them a bear? Were either of them born fully-qualified airline pilots - but now the truth is finally out.

The first pictures of Jennifer Lopez's twin babies have been published on the front cover of today's People magazine. And the good news is that, judging by the pictures, both of Jennifer Lopez's twins look perfectly fine - although if we were Marc Anthony might want a DNA paternity test just to clear up any lingering suspicion that Jennifer wasn't knocked up by a Boobah. Really, the resemblance is uncanny.

It's been a vintage month for stomach-churning celebrity nudity, what with Lindsay Lohan's naked boobs and Gene Simmons' bare pecker.

But now, making a last-ditch attempt to claim the prize of February 2008's least-wanted nude body, comes a set of naked Diablo Cody pictures.

That's right, a collection of naked photographs of Oscar-winning Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody have hit the internet in a big way. And we haven't been this aroused by pictures of a writer since 1987's thankfully-forgotten Playgirl magazine centrefold spread featuring Sir Tom Stoppard, Ingmar Bergman and 46 litres of industrial-strength water-based personal lubricant. 

One of the perks of being a famous woman is that if you ever have a baby, magazines will pay you millions of dollars to take photos of it.

And that's true whether you have an adorable baby or an angry pink monster with freakish little grasping fingers that creep you out every time you look at them. Like Christina Aguilera's baby.

Now before you get upset, remember that we're not the ones saying that. People magazine paid $1.5 million for exclusive photos of Christina Aguilera and her new baby Max, but since hardly anyone bought the issue, it's basically you who are saying that Christina Aguilera's baby is a ridiculous, funny-to-look-at waste of everyone's time. And you should be ashamed, damn you.

Photos of what are claimed to be Nicole Richie's newborn baby daughter Harlow Winter have appeared online, giving away vital clues as to what she looks like.

And here's a newsflash - Nicole Richie's newborn baby daughter Harlow Winter looks like a bloody baby. Small? Check. Wrinkly? Check. Wearing a nappy? Check. Liable to scream and shit itself at the same time? Check.

Of course, we could be wrong and the pictures might not be of Nicole Richie's baby at all. For all we know Nicole Richie's baby could be nine feet tall, completely silent and as smooth as eggs. But, you know, she's probably not.

Rumour has it that some naked Britney Spears pictures taken by her paparazzo boyfriend have been sold to an Australian magazine.

Well, OK, they're not strictly naked Britney Spears pictures, because Britney's wearing a T-shirt. But it's a wet T-shirt. Well, it's soggy. Slightly damp. OK, so an Australian magazine has basically just bought some pictures of Britney Spears in a slightly damp T-shirt. Happy now?