Articles tagged with: Pamela Anderson
Watch any teatime broadcast of Baywatch and you'll see Pamela Anderson as a Barbie doll of a woman who saves drowning pensioners and children whilst prancing around in a red swimsuit. But behind the smile and massive hooters lies a dark secret, as it's been revealed that Pamela Anderson was brutally attacked as a child. Not by a pack of wild dogs full of explosive rabies or a perverted old man, but by a menacing gang of leeches. Maybe she looked at them funny.
Um, that’s the top and bottom off it really. However, with our powerful contacts on the inside, we’ve been granted the ins and outs of a police report filled against the leeches that have permanently scarred Pamela on the left shoulder. Some details are sketchy, but we’ve done our best to sum it up for you.
Pamela Anderson's life is so crazy it should be a sitcom - a really quite poor sitcom about a woman with underdeveloped emotional maturity and quite a lot of hepatitis.
However, Pamela Anderson is too classy to turn her life into a sitcom. So that's why she's decided to turn it into a reality show for E! instead.
But don't expect Pamela to be a tawdry, tell-all delve into Pamela Anderson's personal life - it's apparently going to be a docu-style series that won't feature any of Pamela Anderson's children. It probably won't feature any of her love interests either, because the near-constant meet/marry/pregnancy scare/divorce cycle Pamela Anderson pounds through on an almost monthly basis will just leave viewers disorientated and confused.
Praise be to the heavens above - Pamela Anderson's marriage to Rick Salomon has been officially annulled.
Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon managed just over two months of happy marriage before they separated, which we think could be a record for both of them. We're sure they're very proud, either way.
And it was a smart move for Pamela Anderson to choose an annulment over a divorce, because legally it means the marriage never existed. And that means that the next time Pamela Anderson short-sightedly stumbles into a marriage with a vastly unsuitable man, she'll only be a double-divorcee instead of a triple. That third one would have put all kinds of men off.
All Pamela Anderson wants from life is true love, preferably true love that ends after a couple of months and makes her look a bit foolish in retrospect.
And, God bless her, that's exactly what Pamela Anderson got with Rick Salomon - the man who she married, split up with, possibly got pregnant by, got back together with and is now seeking annulment from.
Now it turns out that Pamela Anderson has cited 'fraud' to end her marriage to Rick Salomon. Now, you should remember that there are only a limited number of grounds for annulment and Pamela Anderson probably checked the 'fraud' box not because she'd literally been defrauded, but because there wasn't a more accurate explanation available to her, like 'I'm an emotionally-backwards airhead dicksplat.'
Pamela Anderson. The woman has such good intentions, you know. She’s always picking up random men from the grubby trashy loser pound and marrying them, only to have each marriage fail miserably.
We hate to tell you this, Pam, but you just gotta let some of those strays be put down, honey. We’ve had to do the same thing with several of Paris Hilton’s boyfriends. Just gotta let them go…
But now, Pamela Anderson finds herself doing the failed marriage thing again with that Rick Salomon guy she married. No, wait. Scratch that. She’s just getting an annulment this time,not a divorce. Oh, okay then. That’s much better.
Stop, stop, stop - take the bunting down, unwrap the Larry The Hepatitis Monkey toy you've just bought, because Pamela Anderson isn't pregnant.
Yes, we know we just said that Pamela Anderson was pregnant, but that's because we thought she was and, well, the thought of Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon's genes colliding to create an unborn baby with the potential to become an internet sex tape Olympian was just too darn exciting.
Pamela Anderson's blog, you see, has the word 'no' written on it. Twice. So that's another hope of ours dashed.
You gotta hand it to Pamela Anderson, folks.
Why, you ask? Because Pamela Anderson has an uncanny knack for being dysfunctional enough to keep herself in the media, but not enough to paint her face like a clown and die of drugs, or have to pee in a cup for a judge and get her kids taken away. She’s classy, alright.
And now she’s stepped it up a notch. Pamela Anderson is reportedly pregnant with her latest find of a pervert husband, Rick Salomon, which makes sense because daddy’s got to have an heir to his illustrious sex-tape fortune.
Pamela Anderson now gets divorced with such tick-tock regularity that it's become almost reassuring - so when Pamela Anderson tries to work out the differences with her husbands instead of just ditching them, it's a bit weird.
No, it's worse than weird. It's wrong. Although it was reported yesterday that Pamela Anderson was ready to fulfil her duties as an out-of-touch celebrity bimbette by divorcing her most recent husband Rick Salomon after two months of happy marriage, the latest news is that perhaps Pamela Anderson won't get divorced after all. A post on Pamela Anderson's blog that worryingly reads "We're working things out..." has caused suspicions that she's already having second thoughts. So let's hope that Pam comes to her senses and completes her divorce soon, because we're pretty sure that a lasting Pamela Anderson marriage will upset the natural order of things and make the moon fall out of the sky and the seas boil.
