Pamela Anderson is an absolute saint. Why? Because she wants to help the world make sweeter love. How is she doing that? She’s made some stockings that are ‘historically pleasing’ as well as being indestructible.
What a woman!
See, when people make tights, the primary function is to either keep a woman’s legs warm or, indeed, hide the fact that they couldn’t be bothered shaving their legs. However, these are Pamela Anderson stockings! They are designed for making love! Love on a boat with a gigantic rock star member flung up you while you nearly crash into the rocks beneath the water! But how historically pleasing are they? Would historical figures like Genghis Khan like wearing them? Or Pol Pot?
Pammy’s been thinking really, really hard and created her own line of designer stockings which only have one use in mind – and that’s making sweet, sweet love.
We’d tell you what the range is called, but alas, she’s not paying us any advertising money so she can go whistle. We’ll just poke fun at the stupid things falling out of her mouth as she tries to flog them to us.
So is she trying to convince us that they are horrible 80s looking things? Well, no. She prefers to tell us all about the fact she’s never bothered with them. So neither should we, presumably.
She says:
“I’ve never worn pantyhose, but my aunt and mum swear by them. My stockings are for making love in. They’re real nylon stockings.”
“It’s a fantasy. They feel incredibly sexy and guaranteed not to run. They aren’t for every day, but they are so gorgeous and they’re historically pleasing. If stockings could talk…”
They’d talk about other historically pleasing events like the abolition of slavery in the United States? Or maybe they’d recall fondly, the day the Berlin Wall came down? Or maybe they’d remember the first Take That video with all those naked bums and jelly?
Historical talking underwear. It’s the future. Like Global Hypercolor t-shirts were once the future.
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k says
These should come in handy for rapists as they are the only ones who wear stockings for sex anymore. brilliant Pammy …. you dolt